"The Risk Book"
CLOSED
All feedback contained here is pure opinion; some of these opinions have changed over time as the reviewer has since received professional training, but this book remains posted for the authors to look back on. Use discretion...
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Genre: Short Story/Paranormal
Title: Lucid I already like your story, even from just reading the title. Lucid dreams are terrifyingly fascinating, and I'm already feeling that. However, I feel as though lucid dreams are a bit cliché, nowadays. For that, your point value will still be at a zero, so far. None given, none taken.
Cover I do like your cover, I must say. I like the astronomical elements that we sometimes imagine dreams as, and I like that you put the main character in the center. There's a mystique about it that also associated with dreams and makes me curious. Well done with the image, for sure. +1 point for that.
That being said, I feel as though your title should be in the center/towards the top of the cover. My eyes are instantly drawn to the "blank space" between the two faces at the top. I understand that you don't want the title to take away from the background picture, but I think that putting the title at the bottom takes away from the title. It appears off-set with it at the bottom. Also, I would like to see your username on the cover. You're the author, and by seeing it on the cover, I can tell who it's by at a mere glance. It makes the story look more professional as a whole. However, no points lost! These are very minor issues that are only my thoughts. :)
Blurb Your blurb could be better, in my opinion.
The content is actually good. I like how it's written in the view of Lucy (Lucille), something pretty unique around Wattpad. Well done. I like the cliffhanger at the end, as well. A good hook on the blurb makes or breaks whether or not a reader will open and read it. Yours definitely gets me interested.
The biggest issue I have with the blurb, however, is grammar—specifically commas (tip: two independent clauses must be separated by a comma and a coordinating conjunction, like 'and'). When you describe what lucid dreaming is, either separate that part and the clause before it into two different sentences, or add a conjunction (I would prefer the first option, but it's up to you if you decide to fix it). Also, when you use ellipses (the three dots, "..."), the next part should be connected. Like this...and this. There's another comma error just like the first one in the paragraph after the ellipse error, and an ellipse error after that. Four grammar errors isn't that much, but for a blurb that's four paragraphs long, it's a bit much.
For that, my friend, you lose one measly point. So sorry! You broke even, though, so you're not in the negatives! So far, so good. Onto the actual story.
Chapter 1: The Danger of Dreams I do like the first line. Intriguing, indeed, considering the captivating title of the chapter. Cheers to that! The rest of the first paragraph, however (and the whole story, for that matter), is strewn with grammar errors. You won't lose any points for that on this part, but I'll give you some tips. Maybe you want to try reading your chapter before you publish it (unless you already do that, of course). Sometimes reading it aloud helps with errors like commas and semicolons. When there's a natural pause, you need punctuation. There are tons of resources online where you can learn about which punctuation to use, even if you have to look it up every time you think you might need one if you don't remember (I can never remember specific dialogue rules!). There are more grammar errors throughout the rest of the story, I'm assuming, so I won't mention them unless they need a lot of fixing.
