"The Risk Book"
CLOSED
All feedback contained here is pure opinion; some of these opinions have changed over time as the reviewer has since received professional training, but this book remains posted for the authors to look back on. Use discretion...
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Title Your title is a bit lengthy, but I'm sure you've noticed that already. Consider shortening it to something that doesn't give so much away from the storyline. Good titles give the readers something to think about, but not so much as to formulate your story and become uninterested with too much information. The worst thing you can do is turn a reader away because of something other than your actual writing! It's not quite fair for people to do that, but they do it. I know I do it.
Your title is...questionable. What I mean by that is that it gives the illusion that the story is like a diary. However, the ending switches to third-person. I'm not quite sure how to tweak it to make it fit with that and without giving too much of the ending away. Also, a journey is more about the way to the destination rather than the end. However, now that I've read it, it seems to me that the entire story was building up to them becoming gods, not about the journey itself. I'm not quite sure how you could tweak that, either.
Cover I'm certain that you know exactly what I'm going to say about your cover, and it's that I need more! Your cover doesn't correlate with the title except that it's a close-up of the main character. It doesn't give the reader something to think about. It doesn't spark curiosity within them. That is the entire goal of your first impression outside of your story!
Blurb Your blurb is nice, but there are some things that you could improve upon (besides the misuse of semicolons). The thing that is most prominent to me is that you don't really tell us what the plot is about. Yes, you do nicely with the monster part, but the paragraph with the journeying was unclear. What journey? What is the goal of the journey? Why would she journey? You don't say anything about Magic or becoming gods...although that might be too revealing, I suppose. Definitely don't go into too much of the specifics, but don't leave us begging for more! Summarize the entire general idea! Don't forget to make it exciting!
*since your story comes in 24 parts, I'll be reviewing four at a time, coming to six portions of review*
Chapters 1-4 I absolutely love Zane's character, but I question a lot of his decisions (the first scene with him made me laugh a lot!). The most obvious is why he decided to let Ana come with him. It's kind of funny because my story, Piper, has a scene really similar to it in the beginning. In both, though, there's a lack of reluctance. I also wondered why he wouldn't just offer to sleep on the forest floor with the bed situation. I see the necessity of the scene with them in bed (haha), but the transition to me is unrealistic. Again, there's a lack of reluctance and a search for other options. I question Ana's decisions, too. Why would she be so sure to want to go with Zane? And why would she tell him her full name even if she doesn't like it? Perhaps it's just her character, but I would expect her to be much more reserved considering how terrified she was of him in the first chapter. There are more examples of when something seemed just a tad unrealistic. It's never enough to really take away from the story, but it's enough to make me think. Sometimes it's a good thing, like when Ana hesitated when telling Zane that she was normal (which somehow didn't quite apply to the rest of the story because Ana at that time was unaware of Magic). I get that they're drawn to each other by the magic and natural tendencies of them over the centuries, but it should still be realistic.
