"The Risk Book"
CLOSED
All feedback contained here is pure opinion; some of these opinions have changed over time as the reviewer has since received professional training, but this book remains posted for the authors to look back on. Use discretion...
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Title I like your title. Simple, yet descriptive. However, I can't see very well why it's called that besides the reason being that the main character is black. It's barely even about that.
Cover I have a critique and a shrug for you.
The critique is that the text, though I like the placement and the font, doesn't fit in the cover. I don't know why that is, but it kind of messes with me. :)
The shrug is that I'm wondering why you chose to put a white and black celebrity on the cover when your story is about a black girl facing racist oppression in everyday life. I'm sure it would be way to find a beautiful picture of a black woman that fits Habeebah's description. Also, on that racist oppression thing, now that I've read the entire book, I don't think it's about a black girl facing racist oppression. Am I right? Is it just a book about a black girl and her own struggles? If so, I think you should take out the subtitle on your cover.
Blurb Really the only issues I have with your blurb are grammar problems. Commas, mostly. There are many helpful tools online in when to use commas and when they're not necessary. I won't list the rules here, but if you need any clarification or tips, I'd be happy to help! I love your message, though. :)
Although...if there isn't any racist oppression in your story, then I think it should be revised a bit.
*since your story comes in 13 parts, I'll be critiquing about two parts at a time for a total of six portions*
Cast–Prologue You've probably heard that I don't really approve of casts. However, your cast isn't naming actors and the like to characters. It's just a "character list," as you put it. Perhaps you should change the title of that part to read "character list," as "cast" made me think of the actor thing.
Also, I'm not sure how necessary the list is. Your characters should be introduced naturally in time as the story progresses. Plus, the character list doesn't name the role of each person (with the exception of Aunt Leila). To a first time reader, your "cast" would just look like a useless list of names that don't really matter at this point. Consider taking the whole part out or revising it.
Your prologue is more of a preface. Prologues go with the plot of the story, setting tone and establishing important themes and foreshadowing. It's part of the real story. Yours, on the other hand, is you speaking to the audience, like a big author's note. Like I've said before, I love the message. It's just the little things so far that I have to critique.
Chapters 1-2 I believe that the first chapters starts off with too many descriptions and context and explanations. I'm craving a plot-line right now! With so much information, it's hard for me as a reader to remember a lot of it, and if it's important information, then that's a bit of a problem. It's completely fine to include those things in your story, but I believe that timing and integration are key. Spread out all that data within the storyline so that the readers have enough time to process it. Also, when the plot actually starts and the main character goes back to her house, the dialogue of the robot doesn't need to be L-I-K-E T-H-I-S. In fact, I don't think it should be because it's hard to read and I'm not sure how to voice it in my head until you say it's a robotic voice. You can just type it out regularly as if a real person is speaking. Saying that it's a robot voice is good enough for me.
