"The Risk Book"
CLOSED
All feedback contained here is pure opinion; some of these opinions have changed over time as the reviewer has since received professional training, but this book remains posted for the authors to look back on. Use discretion...
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Title You're title is very nice. Intriguing and not revealing. The problem that I have with it are the ellipses. Ellipses should always be three dots. No more, no less. Don't worry—this is a common error. I will pardon the error if you fix it! ;)
Cover Your cover is very nice, as well! I like the mood it sets. The cover feels very ominous. I like that. +1 point.
Blurb Your blurb has a bit of a strange format (at least on the mobile app it does). That might be something for you to look into in the future. However, the content (with the exception of some weird comma issues and of course more ellipse errors) was great. It was very interesting, but I have one concern with it: where is the plot in your blurb? Where is the conflict? What is trying to be resolved in your story? What makes it unique? Answer these questions without giving too much away and I think you'll have a smashing blurb.
*since your story comes in 35 parts, I'll be judging five parts at a time, coming to seven portions*
"There's Always a Reason"–Chapter 2 What an interesting way to start your story. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. And I do like it. It sets a tone for the readers before even reading the actual story and it makes them even more anticipated for the story. Nice work with the first part.
The informative part with all of the characters seems unnecessary and overbearing. I know that if I was simply reading your story for the fun of reading (not that reviewing isn't fun!), I would have read the first part and probably skip the rest. For me at least, it's way too much information to just dump on me. I will never remember that. I remember stuff like that much better when that information is woven in with the narration, when it's given gradually. Who knows? You might have most of that in your story already. Consider taking out the entire part, because another thing it does is give away a lot of your story! No, I don't mean the plot. I mean the characters! Half of the fun of reading a story is to get to know the characters. They're like little riddles to solve, and figuring out things like where the character came from, how they got there, what they're like, and their full appearance are all part of the fun. We as readers get the freedom to formulate your characters in our own way. Yes, the author's informations guides us in this formulation, but we get to put the pieces together our way. That's part of the beauty of reading. Consider keeping that beauty and freedom real. :)
Your maps were actually quite nice (beside those pesky ellipses)! You did a good job with those. Now we're on to the actual story!
I think that you should explain why Leila is so excited about going to high school for the first time. I know you said to someone in the comments about how it makes Leila feel more human. I think that putting this in the actual text would really help make the transition between paragraphs one and two to be much more fluent.
There are a lot of grammar issues in your writing, and I won't mention them all, but the capital errors are ellipses and run-on/incorrect sentences. Ellipses, as I've mentioned before, are always three dots. Never more, never less. You also use ellipses too frequently. Perhaps doing a bit of research about ellipses might help you (or I can tell you in the comments if you'd like). Don't forget that titles of things are always capitalized, too (i.e. the Dark Forest). Don't forget!
