"The Risk Book"
CLOSED
All feedback contained here is pure opinion; some of these opinions have changed over time as the reviewer has since received professional training, but this book remains posted for the authors to look back on. Use discretion...
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Title The title is very intriguing, yet in the description you gave me of your story in your application to #LdeP, you said "one of the characters." That would signify that there's more than one character, so would your title be inaccurate in saying "alone" in your title? If you have reasoning for this, do share! Because you might have an explanation and because it intrigued me anyway, I won't take any points off.
Now that I've read the entire story, the "alone box" is like the least important part of the entire story. Do you have a certain reason you wanted to call it that?
Cover Your cover, in my opinion, could use some alterations to make it accurate to the story and more interesting to look at for the readers.
Firstly, the picture isn't a box or anything like your title and blurb describes. It's a huge door opening. In your blurb, you say that there's no way out of the box, yet your cover seems to say that this "box" has a set of enormous doors that the character(s) can escape out of. That's disheartening and makes your story seem less interesting and anticlimactic, doesn't it?
I finally see from Chapter 10 why the picture could be accurate but it still blocks the title. :)
Secondly, the title on the cover is a bit heart to read because of the bright light shining through the door and the white text of the title. A different image choice would fix that easily.
Thirdly, the title is at the very top. This makes the "empty space" of the image stand out more and it makes the cover seem jumbled and out of place. You see? The image is meant to compliment the title. :)
I see that you've use the Wattpad Cover App/Online Cover Maker (at least I think). For the future, I highly recommend a program called Canva. It's both a website and an app and can help you create a fantastic cover (all of my stories have covers that I made with Canva). Otherwise, I do have a cover shop! *wink wink*
No points given or taken because the Wattpad Cover App was probably the only program you had to work with!
Blurb Fantastic blurb—one of the best ones I've seen submitted to #LdeP. Captivating, not revealing, and unique. +1 point for that, but remember that the box is the least important part of the whole story! There's so much more the readers should know before diving into your science fiction, now that I've read the entire thing! I'm craving more!
Also...your story has 37 parts and somehow it's labeled as a short story? I personally think it should be labeled as science fiction. If you chose to put it as a short story for rankings, that's actually against Wattpad rules and wouldn't work because there are so many short stories out there. ;) Label it the right genre so people who like the genre you write in will read it!
Since your story comes in...*gulp*...37 parts...I'll be dividing this review into nine portions of about four chapters each. Here we go!
Chapters 1-4 I would avoid using pronouns like "I," "you," "we," "us," etc. in your story since you write it in third person point of view. If you must use them, it's probably a character's specific thoughts, and therefore should be italicized.
