Librum de Periculum - CLOSED

The Girl on the Wheelchair by @AnjaliDedha5

Valley Creek Package

*since your story comes in seventeen parts of actual writing, I'll be reviewing four at a time, coming to around four portions of review*

But first, the introduction and the trailer parts.

"INTRODUCTION"-"Trailer"
I was so relieved to find that your introduction was only one part. You don't even know. However, I was...less relieved when I kept scrolling and scrolling and scrolling...

Okay, that's an exaggeration. But still! I say this to almost everyone with an introductory part, and now I'm going to say it to you. Your readers have opened your story for multiple pieces of artwork and random quotes and dull copyright information. Right? No! Your readers have opened your story...for your story. It's "surprising" but true, and you'd better not disappoint potential readers with the daunting prospect of wading through your introductory part. Keep it brief is all I'm saying. I get how important copyright information can be to people, especially on completely public sites like Wattpad (even though literally no one is actually going to read it and abide by it; if they really wanted, they'd just copy your work anyway). But the quotes and the art? I feel like those can be easily dispersed all throughout your work (not including the banners and social media banner at the end). Readers won't get excited about things that are out of context unless they happen to be good quotes like the ones you included (as much as I enjoyed them, I still question their importance).

That was about a 200-word mouthful that I'm glad I got out of my system. Hopefully, you can get some of that unnecessary clutter out of your system, too! Let's move on to the trailer, which I'm sure will be brief and nice.

Nice trailer! I was very pleased until I saw the cast list. I groaned internally at the possibility of another 200-word rant about cast lists. If you've read some of my other reviews, then you know that cast lists are one of my pet peeves. It's not because I don't believe in face claims. It's because it makes you as an author look lazy. It removes the need to place character description in your story besides the ones needed to romanticize features of your characters (i.e. the classic crystal-blue eyes or chocolate-brown or sprout-green eyes with insane intensity and long eyelashes). It also strips away your reader's ability and freedom to imagine the characters however they interpret them (which is such a beautiful thing). I approve of cast lists using the cast list option that Wattpad has (it puts a cast list on the bottom of your chapter where readers can click on it and view your cast list if they want). That way, readers can choose to imagine the characters however they want (also, who's going to remember your cast list when it's only in one part? Probably not forgetful me). -1 for those things. Your total is negative one.

Wow, okay. Let's launch into the actual writing now, shall we?

Chapters 1-4
When I told you that italicizing specific thoughts was correct in PM, I didn't think that you meant...this. I apologize for assuming and telling you the wrong thing, but I think you may be having trouble discerning what counts as a specific thought when you're writing first-person point-of-view. So, let me explain.

Specific thoughts, like I told you in the inbox messages, are treated similarly to dialogue. Tag rules apply; it's just that thoughts are italicized and don't have quotation marks. This might help you in that thoughts are like the character is speaking to their own mind. Does that make sense?

You see, "I huffed mentally and physically" is not a specific thought because you wouldn't tell yourself that you huffed. This would be, rather, an example of your narrative voice—that's not italicized.

An example of a specific thought that you would italicize is, "A tear rolled down my face. This is bad, I thought. This is really bad."