✔️Heal My Heart {Kakashi Hatake}

88 | breaking out

I woke up on the sofa, wrapped up tightly in a blanket. Odd, since I didn't recall settling down with one. I thought I'd just passed out while I was sitting here.

An explanation presented itself in the form of a note that fluttered to the floor when I moved. I picked it up and instantly recognised Kakashi's handwriting.

The idiot strikes again - forgot I had a key. I came in but you were asleep and I didn't want to disturb you.

~K xx

Ps: you look awful, why didn't you let anyone in??

"Very flattering," I murmured. Most guys didn't just tell girls they looked awful. Thinking about it, he actually had a point. I couldn't remember showering since locking myself in, which was pretty gross.

You better get on that right now, what if Kakashi comes back? demanded my inner medic.

Alright, I'm going. I pushed the blanket off and dragged myself to my feet. I didn't feel as empty as I had yesterday; definitely an improvement. Maybe Kakashi's visit had had some worth, besides the rice balls - which, might I add, were definitely sweetened with honey.

I showered quickly, changed my clothes and brushed my hair. The mirror informed me that I really did look awful, and not just the fact that my hair hadn't been brushed in two weeks. My cheekbones seemed more pronounced than usual, and if it was at all possible, I looked a little paler than usual. Certainly the bags under my eyes were very prominent. In short, I somewhat resembled a zombie. I felt a little like one, to be perfectly honest.

There was loud banging on the door.

"Hey, Miyoshi? Can you come out today? Please?" Naruto called through the door. "I don't like it when you're not here."

I wanted to go and comfort him, but at the same time, I didn't know what I would say. I wasn't sure if I was really ready to go out and face the world just yet.

I hesitated too long. I heard Naruto sigh, mumble that he knew I wouldn't say anything, then he was gone and it was too late to go after him. I left it, not being willing to go out and face the whole village.

You just don't want to face the Uchiha, my inner dark side taunted. You're scared of what Itachi might do.

Of course I am, I scolded it. I don't want him to do it.

There were three gentle knocks on the door. I froze at the top of the stairs, unsure if I wanted to answer it or not. I knew Kakashi was on the other side, but did I really want him here yet?

"Hey," Kakashi said through the door. "You could've said something to Naruto, you know. He's really quite upset. He walked past me just now and didn't say a word."

I felt a little bad, but I couldn't bring myself to respond to that.

"Well, anyway. Everyone's a little like that at the moment. I caught about four people who were heading in this direction, but they kept turning around and then coming back, then going again. Seems Naruto and I are the only ones who bother to come the whole way anymore."

"I'm glad you do," I whispered, though I knew he probably wouldn't hear.

"I came in last night, I hope you don't mind. You really don't look well. Uh, do you mind if I come in now? I... I just want to make sure you're alright... um." There was an uncomfortable silence. I didn't say anything to him, but stayed sat on the top step, watching the door carefully. He could come in or stay outside. I really didn't care either way.

I heard him sliding the key into the lock. There was a moment's pause, then the door opened. Kakashi stepped in slowly, and looked up at me. I saw his eye widen, then soften with relief.

"Hey."

"Hey," I responded, staying where I was at the top of the stairs. Kakashi didn't seem to know if he wanted to stay where he was or come up to me. After a moment's hesitation, he came up to sit beside me.

"How come you've been hiding in here?" he asked. "Are you not feeling well?"

"It's not that." I looked away from him. "I just don't want to face the village right now."

"How come?"

"It's complicated. How was your mission?" I deliberately changed the subject. I didn't want to think about it.

"It was fine," Kakashi said. I hoped he had dropped the subject. "You look a little better today."

"I just cleaned myself up a little," I replied. "It's nothing."

"It's not really nothing, though, is it?" Kakashi said. "This-" he gestured around at me and the house- "this is not nothing. Everyone's worried sick. What would you say if it was me?"

"Oh, I'm waging a war in my own head," I said. "Part of me says this isn't healthy and I should go out, part of me says I need to grow up and get over myself, and another part says I'm fine here and I can just wait it all out."

"Wait what out?" Kakashi frowned.

"Itachi... has a plan. To deal with the Uchiha. I have never been more opposed to anything in my life."

Kakashi knew immediately what I was trying to say. "He wouldn't."

"He was serious. Part of me thinks there really isn't another option, but I don't want to believe it."

"What could have made them such a threat?" Kakashi wondered aloud.

"Itachi says they're planning a coup," I said bluntly. "They want the Hokage out."

Kakashi was silent as it sank in. "That's what they wanted you for?"

"Yep." I scowled at the ground. "Everything I did was all for nothing. That's why I've stayed in here. Because I'm useless."

"No you're not," Kakashi said immediately. "That's the most stupid thing you've said to date. You're absolutely not useless."

"Really?" I let my gaze flicker up to him. "Everything I've ever done has been for nothing. Look at that and tell me I'm not useless."

"You're not useless," Kakashi said simply.

"You're just trying to make me feel better," I mumbled into my knees.

"No, I'm telling the truth," Kakashi replied patiently. "Look at me. I was in a really bad place until you came along, and I didn't even know. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn't joined the ANBU?"

"You would have been fine."

"I would have never realised how much you had been there for me in the past." Kakashi put one arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I let him, partly because I didn't have the will to break away and partly because I realised now how much I had been craving his company.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I asked him.

"What didn't you do would be a better question." Kakashi's mask shifted slightly and his eye crinkled in an invisible smile. "You fixed me. What I want to know is what I did to deserve that."

"Looked in the mirror recently?" I smiled, eyes closed as I relaxed against Kakashi. I was beginning to feel sleepy. "Besides, everyone who's broken deserves to be fixed. It's just your fault that you went and got broke in the first place."

Kakashi snorted with laughter. "You're so tired you sound drunk. Come on." He scooped me up and carried me bridal style to my room.

"I'm not tired," I protested, forcing my eyes to stay open.

"Liar." Kakashi put me down on my bed. I didn't want him to just leave me here and go.

"Stay?" I asked hopefully.

"Not for too long." Kakashi warned, sitting cross-legged on my pillow. I cuddled up to him, enjoying his warmth.

Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I murmured, "see, this is why I love you."