✔️Heal My Heart {Kakashi Hatake}

Epilogue

I pushed open the door to the Hokage's office. "Did you need something, sir?"

"Kakashi." Lord Third sighed deeply and gestured for me to take a seat. "There is... something you should know."

I sat down on the opposite side of the desk, noticing how Lord Third looked older than ever. "What is it?"

"Miyoshi... will not be returning from her recent mission."

It was so quiet I could have heard a spider crawling up the walls. There was suddenly a shadow in the corner of my mind, one that I recognised but had not seen for a long time. I stubbornly pushed it away.

"Why not?"

"Kakashi..." the Hokage looked despairingly at me. The shadow pointed out want I didn't want to notice, highlighted what I was trying desperately to ignore.

"Tell me where she is!"

I didn't remember standing up, and I didn't remember making a conscious decision to yell. Despite that, I found myself standing with my fists curled on the desk, standing almost threateningly over Lord Third. I hadn't shouted like that in a long time. I hadn't meant to shout like that. Somehow, the words just... came out that way.

"... she's dead, Kakashi."

"No she isn't," I said, fighting with all my strength to keep the shadow away. "She said. She promised she'd be back before..." I glanced at the calendar on the wall, though I hardly needed to. Today was November fourth.

She promised she'd be back before yesterday.

She still wasn't back.

"I can't do this anymore," I said. "I can't. I quit."

"Kakashi..." Lord Third began, but didn't finish. He knew what I meant. I couldn't live another minute in the ANBU knowing that she wasn't there. I'd have quit a lot sooner than now if not for her.

My eyes drifted over to the pictures of the four Hokage, and rested on the smiling portrait of Minato-sensei. The shadow crawled out of its corner, and this time I didn't have the energy to fight it back. Its formless features twisted into a eerie grin as it reminded me of everyone I'd lost. First my mother. Then my father. My best friend. My teammate. My sensei. And now the love of my life. All gone. Now there was nobody left that I cared about.

Did Kami hate me this much?

What do I do, sensei? Tell me what to do! I silently implored the picture. I tried to blink back tears, but they wouldn't go away. After a while, I didn't bother anymore. I didn't care if the Hokage saw me cry. I had a reason. If I was seen as weak for crying over her, then dammit, I was weak. I was a coward, and stupid, and worthless, and now there was nobody who cared enough to tell me it wasn't true, which meant it had to be true.

"How... how did she...?" I tried to ask, my voice breaking half way through.

The Hokage's hands were shaking as he replied. "She sent me a message two weeks ago detailing a plan that she was going to use to complete the mission and destroy the enemy. It had a ten percent chance of succeeding, if even that."

"And the other ninety percent..."

"Would have led to her failure, and likely death," Lord Third confirmed, though he pulled his cap down so I couldn't see his eyes, or the tear that he was just a split second too late to conceal. "I sent..." his voice quavered, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "I sent a scout party in the hope that they'd find her alive, but they came back with just these things, which were left in a vacated room in an inn. I think she'd have wanted you to have them."

I glanced at the desk to see that the Hokage had placed on it Miyoshi's ANBU mask, Hokori and Yorokobi, still in their dual sheath, and a small scroll with my name written on the outside, held in place by a small silver ring with the Hatake clan symbol on it. I felt my stomach clench at the sight of it.

"She did it on purpose," I said hoarsely. "She would never go into a fight without Hokori and Yorokobi." And she'd never taken off that ring as long as she'd had it.

"That is the conclusion that I also reached," Lord Third said gravely.

"Why...?"

"Perhaps it is written in this." Lord Third pushed the scroll towards me. "It hasn't been opened. I thought it best if it was just for your eyes."

"Thank you." I took it with shaking hands. I couldn't open it here, in front of him. I as already too much of a mess. I simply bowed my head slightly and teleported back to my apartment, where I sat down on my bed to try and stabilise myself before sliding off the ring, unrolling the scroll and reading the contents.

Kakashi,

I guess the first thing I have to say is that I'm sorry. I can only imagine how much of a mess you are right now, and to tell you the truth, I'm already crying just having to write this.

I didn't want this to happen. It wasn't supposed to be the outcome. But I've realised that now, I have no other choice. I think I'm finally starting to see why Itachi did what he did. At any rate, I'm glad it was me who ended up doing this, because I don't mind. In a strange, twisted way, I don't mind dying, because I'll be dying for the sake of others.

They were all dead before I even arrived. The whole village, men, women, children, all of them lying in a heap of broken and bloody bodies, the streets drenched in blood. I had to bury them all. It took a lot of chakra, but if you're ever up in that village, you'll see a tall oak tree alone on top of the tallest hill. That's where they all are.

How are you holding up? I probably don't even need to ask. If I can ask one favour... remember me. Remember that I loved you more than words can express, and I still do, and I always will, even now I can't be there with you anymore. And don't you dare ever forget that someone loved you once, and you can still be loved. I'll wait for you, but take your damn time Hatake, because I don't want to see you up here too early.

Between you and me, I'm terrified. I'm scared of leaving you and Naruto and Sasuke and everyone else, and I'm scared that something will go wrong and you'll end up in a bad place and have to pull yourself out on your own. That's my biggest fear, more than death. Please don't let that happen. Smile for me.

I love you.

It wasn't signed. It didn't need to be.

"I love you too," I whispered.