Through It All, Your Ferret ~ A Dramione Fanfiction (Complete)

Chapter 11 Let Him Be Your Person *

Author's Notes:

This may be a trigger for some people (depression, anorexia). It is a critical chapter as it makes the after affects of war real and it humanizes some characters.

Please be advised.

I hate that I won't have a chance to see Draco until Thursday, and Monday's interlude was minor and mundane at best. I am excited for Thursday's lunch to discuss the kids, the damn dreams I am still having, and our next reconnection.

These dreams have been happening nightly and their intensity is not letting up. If anything the longer I go without Draco, the more frenzied they are. I wake up thinking he'll be there, right next to me or on top of me still, both of us in sweaty heaps. But every time my eyes open, I am left alone tangled in my sheets, clutching the headboard like the orgasm I was just riding out was torturous rapture. I have been smart enough to cast charms on my room because I know that I was yelling, crying, moaning in my desirous and passionate escape from reality.

I need to talk to him about these.

Who am I lying to, I need to talk to him.

I need him.

But instead, I get Ginny.

"Ginevra, I need you help. NOW!" I come barging into their library as I left work.

Harry was sitting reading another of his reports about the incident on Monday. "She'll be here in about 15 minutes. She took Al over to Malfoy's. What's the matter?"

"Nothing I can talk to you about." I am pacing back and forth, borderline shaking.

"You look like you haven't slept in days. Have the nightmares come back?"

"Yes and no. Harry you don't want to know."

"'Mione, please. Don't shut me out again."

He's referring to about 2 years after the war. I wasn't sleeping at all. Nightmares of those we lost and the screams of pain surrounding me. I had gone weeks without any sleep, causing me to get overly depressed, and addicted to a variety of stimulants. Probably the most effective was a diet pill - ephedra. I was taking them to stay awake and ended up never eating. I only added to the stimulants by drinking strong coffee at all hours of the day and night, until that became ineffective also.

I was killing myself. I didn't even realize it at the time. I think I wanted to die, to be with those we lost. My friends, family, those I loved. I was hurting those around me as much as I was hurting myself, but I didn't care. I just wanted my pain to go away.

I was down to less than 35 kg. I ended up being hospitalized and put in a psychiatric ward for 3 days. There were potions forced down my throat, food had to be given to me via tubes, and all through it Harry stood by. He watched me try to come back to humanity slowly. He was the one who dragged me to the hospital in the first place. He felt terribly guilty that he didn't recognize the symptoms earlier in me. Since then, he has kept a personal vigil on my sleeping and eating habits.

"Really Harry, this is one of those things you told me not to talk to you about. I promise."

"Take the sleeping draughts. Or do I need to call Malfoy and have him force you to take them?"

"Calling Malfoy might do some good," I grumble so he barely hears. I am still nervously pacing. "Because I'm not sleeping from dreams involving him!"

"Talk to him. Call out tomorrow. Air this out. I'm not losing you 'Mione." There was more than the normal concern lacing his voice.

"What aren't you telling me Harry?"