For the Road

42

Zayn paces back and forth. He knows he messed up. He knows he shouldn't have said anything to Louis. He should've just nodded and pretended to be happy for the boy, but it's too late. He already revealed his deepest and best-kept secret.

"I've ruined everything," Zayn mutters. He pulls his hands through his hair anxiously as Niall tries to call him down. He doesn't hear a thing Niall's saying, but just his talking stresses Zayn out even more.

"It'll be okay, Zayn. Louis' an understanding person. Nothing's going to change. I'm sure if you just sit down and talk things out he'll understand," Niall explains. Zayn turns to him. He can imagine how distraught he must look. His hair is a mess and probably all over the place from pulling his hands through it. Tears stain his olive cheeks and his eyes have a bright red ring around them. He's cried enough to know what he must look like.

"No, Niall! Nothing's ever going to be the same! I've been an ass about this for years, fucking years, and now he's actually gay! I've-I've lost him forever now! I've made him cry so many times, Niall, so no there's no fucking way that things are just going to magically be the same. I ruined that years ago," Zayn snaps angrily. He turns away from Niall, knowing he probably hurt him, but he can't be bothered.

Niall has been his best friend though everything. He's the only person that knows the real Zayn. He used to think Louis would be that person for him, but circumstances have pushed them apart. He wishes things could've been different between them.

"Okay, fine, be like that then. I'm just trying to help. I'm going to go and make sure Louis' okay," Niall whispers. Zayn turns around quickly, watching as his friend leaves the small room. Great. Now he's ruined things with Niall too. How many friendships will he ruin on this plane?

Zayn's mind starts to go crazy thinking about Louis. God he's so perfect. Zayn knows that Louis' way out of his league, even if Niall denies it. The fans like to put Louis down for being the ugliest in the band, but Zayn doesn't see it at all. He's so unique and amazing. Louis' friendly and kind and helpful and, yes, understanding. Zayn knows the only reason why they're even semi-friends is because Louis sees that Zayn doesn't mean the things he says.

Of course, how could Zayn be homophobic? He's been in love with a guy for the last few years of his life. He's tried nearly everything to make his feelings go away. He's been told numerous times by management that those kinds of feelings aren't tolerated in Zayn's industry. The data doesn't lie: gay doesn't sell. Zayn can't name one gay boy band member that's really made it in the music industry.

When management found out fans shipped Zayn and Louis, Zayn figured he might have a chance. If the fans think that Louis is secretly in love with Zayn, that means he probably is, right? How wrong could he be. Management pushed them apart. They aren't allowed to sit together or talk or do anything around each other, because it could be seen as them 'being in love'.

So, Zayn figured that he had to get over his feelings for Louis. First, he tried distracting himself. He got together with Liam, who loved attention. Zayn even fell for Liam, but he was never Louis. Every time they were together, Zayn would imagine being held by Louis instead. Soon, the guilt overtook him, and Zayn had to dump him. He knew he may have hurt Liam, but it was better than leading him on.

Niall walked in on Zayn crying afterwards. Zayn poured out his feelings and thoughts to him. It was the beginning of their friendship. Niall sat and, admittedly awkwardly, comforted Zayn as he cried. He stood by Zayn while he secretly fell deeper in love with a boy he couldn't have.

Then, he tried to make the feelings go away by being homophobic. He figured that if he hated himself enough for being gay then the feelings would disappear. This logic didn't get him very far. Louis hated him even more and he ruined what little friendship he had left.

Then there was Harry. Zayn's hated him since he met him. Not because he ran the stupid fan account, but because he got Louis. Zayn could tell from the beginning the two would end up together. His loathing for the boy started there.

Of course, Louis would fall for Harry. He was more attractive than Zayn was in nearly every way. His hands were softer and milkier than Zayn's dark and calloused ones. Harry's eyes were sparkling green, whereas Zayn's could be compared to dull dirt. Harry showed Louis kindness when Zayn only showed him hardness. It was an obvious choice.

So, Zayn decided to be nice to Harry. Maybe if Zayn was nicer to Harry, Harry would put in a good word to Louis. Of course, now it's too late. Louis' in love with the boy, and Zayn doesn't stand a chance.

He can't continue like this. He shouldn't have to pretend to be someone he's not anymore, and it's tiresome having to do so. Why does Louis get to have the perfect relationship while Zayn gets nothing? Zayn knows he's a horrid person, but even horrid people deserve happiness, right?

Truth be told: Zayn can't be happy, not if this continued. He'd never be happy seeing the two boys together, and knowing he could never compete. Zayn pulls out his phone, knowing that he shouldn't be the only one feeling so lost and broken-hearted. He dials the number he has nearly memorized. The voice that greets him is posh and familiar from years of mentoring.

"Simon, I'm glad I got ahold of you. I have two very important things to share with you. Firstly, I'm leaving the band. I can't stand this any longer. Secondly, Louis' in a secret, gay relationship with Harry Styles."

If Zayn can't be happy, Harry can't be either. 

~_~_~

Hey guys! So, I'm kinda of upset, but that's okay. I had written out the chapter, but then out of nowhere it freaked out and deleted over half of the chapter. Anyway, there's no bonus chapter this week because finals are this week and I don't have time to write a bonus chapter.

ATLC: My dream career is to be a writer.

QOTC: If you could learn any language what would it be?

P.S. YOU GUYS ARE FROM ALL OVER!! I'm still so shocked to see how many people actually read this. Little ole' me has readers worldwide and that will never cease to amaze me.