ART DECO | PHAN

fourteen.

1/21/17

phil lester had been waiting almost anxiously for the next time he got to study with dan, and when it came, he felt almost giddy.

he tried not to think too hard about that.

he met him in the library again, and surprisingly, when he got there, dan had already arrived. phil took a second to look at him- he was sitting at their usual table beside like window, the golden light filtering over his curly locks of chocolate hair. phil smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets and making his way over.

"hey." he sat down next to him as dan looked up, smiling at him.

"hi." he closed his book, pushing it aside, and phil watched him pull his notebook out of his bag. "did you get anything done while we were apart?"

phil nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "yeah, i started the model. it's not much, but next time we study you could come to my room, and we could work on it?"

dan nodded, smiling again. his smile was subtle but lovely nonetheless. "perfect."

"cool."

phil leaned in when dan opened to the sketch page, silently searching for anything he might have added. he could feel dan's fawn eyes on him.

his eyes paused on a small addition that he knew hadn't been there before, as the pen was a different color than the rest of the drawing. it was red.

it was a boy, phil realized. not a little boy, though; he looked to be perceived as about their age. phil smiled.

the boy was looking somewhere to his right, and phil frowned, following his gaze. he soon discovered another boy, scribbled with blue ink, right next to where dan's pinkie lay on the paper. he was looking back.

dan held out a pen, and phil met his eyes, a grin melting on his face. he took it, and let his pinkie hook with dan's as he drew.

he started with a dotted line, connecting the two boys, and in the center, a tiny heart. he could feel dan smiling.

and he started talking, his voice soft, so that only dan could hear it.

☞

phil knocked on eva's door. he had promised to take her out that night, and he knew he was walking on thin ice around her recently. he didn't want to mess anything up.

he frowned when he heard giggling from behind the door, waiting until one of her friends opened it, a large grin on her face.

"oh, hey phil. come on in."

phil nodded, walking past her. there were a few girls laying on her bed, their faces huddled together around something, on their stomachs.

phil stood there awkwardly, his hands clasped behind his back as he waited.

"jen, you've gotta see-" eva cut herself off when she saw him, coming out from the bathroom, a piece of paper clutched in her hands. she was wearing a t-shirt and pajama shorts; clearly not ready. "phil!"

phil smiled, nodding. "hey... sorry, am i interrupting something?"

she shook her head, chewing on her lip for a second before realization flashed over her features.

"oh shit- our date." she cursed again, making her way over to him and touching both her arms like she always did when she did something wrong. "i'm so sorry, baby, i forgot..."

phil shook his head, frowning. "no, it's okay..."

"hey phil," one of the girls called out, holding some papers in her fist. "come look at this."

phil turned just soon enough to catch eva glaring at her and shaking her head, and the other girl's smile dropped, pulling the paper out of sight again.

"sorry, never mind..."

eva tugged on phil's sleeve, trying to reclaim his attention. "i really am sorry..."

"it's okay," phil repeated, his mind whirling.

"we can try again tomorrow...?"

"oh." phil had assumed that she would get ready and still go, because he had reservations and everything, but apparently he had been wrong. the fleeting idea to invite dan instead, just to piss her off, flashed through his head, but he could never do that. "sure."

she beamed, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "thanks so much... i promise i won't forget again."

phil nodded silently, frowning to himself as he left.

☞

it felt like a magnet, really, and he wandered to the gazebo. he hadn't gotten much of a chance to go there in a while, what with studying and games and girlfriends. he knew it would make him feel better to get some time to think.

as he got closer, he could see someone was already there. at first he felt dread; he never went there if someone was already there, especially since it was usually someone vandalizing the wood, or making out with someone. but as soon as he realized who it was, every grudge melted away.

he recognized dan's form, drowning in a sweatshirt as always, hunched over the rail. he was shaking, and as phil got even closer, he realized that he was crying. his frail form was trembling with sobs, but only soft noises escaped, whimpers and broken gasps.

phil stopped in front of the structure, quiet, and after a second, dan looked up. he visibly flinched, trying frantically to wipe his tears away, his eyes red and his cheeks flushed.

"i'm not crying," he mumbled defensively, even as tears streamed down his pink cheeks.

phil bit his lip, walking up the steps. he saw dan flinch away, but he just stood next to him, leaning against the railing.

"it's okay," he muttered, even though he had absolutely no idea why dan was crying. he knew sometimes that asking what was wrong was overrated.

he could feel dan looking at him, and then he heard him start crying again. he turned without a word and pulled dan into his arms, enveloping him in an embrace. having him in his arms, he could feel how skinny he was; it wasn't terrifying, but feeling his ribs against his stomach was a little off putting. but phil didn't mind. he even felt fragile.

dan was tense for maybe a whole minute, the tears still coming steadily, but his sobs were choked, as if he was struggling to stifle them. but he finally relaxed, letting phil hold him, and buried his face in his chest. he was crying so hard that phil was a little afraid that he would crack, break like china when it hit the floor.

phil swore they stayed like that for an hour. dan smelled like vanilla and his hair was soft against his lips, phil's hand holding the back of his neck as if he were a baby, his other clenched in the cloth of his sweatshirt.

he held him as if he could hold him together that way; temporary glue for something that was already shattered.