ART DECO | PHAN

thirty.

2/29/17

phil lester felt a lot of things. in fact, he had been feeling a lot of things in the last few days, if not weeks, if not months.

dan made him feel things.

he felt so incredibly protective over him, so bad it hurt, and sometimes it was hard to separate that from his feelings of want. he was so proud of him, but so scared for him and wary of him all at the same time, wrapped into one giant gift wrapped ball of emotions.

his mum used to tell him not to fall for anyone with more problems than he had. it was a recipe for disaster, bound to fall apart in his hands and shatter his heart into a thousand tiny shards. but it was so hard to see that right now... phil didn't want to categorize people by their problems. why should he have to confine them to a box when their personalities were so much more than that?

that was how he felt about dan. dan was someone really special- he was just scared to show it.

"are you okay?"

the boy that was currently running around phil's mind like wild was right next to him as well, his cold hand clasped in phil's. phil blinked out of his thoughts, smiling at him.

"yeah, sorry."

dan's cheeks were dusted with patches of a light rosy color, making him look like he was glowing, and phil couldn't tell if it was from the cold or from worry. phil squeezed his hand.

dan nodded, biting his lip. "okay," he whispered. phil nudged him gently.

they were walking across campus, the dewey grass sticking to their sneakers, and phil had him all to himself. he shouldn't be wasting it.

phil brought dan's hand to his lips, pressing them against his icy skin over and over again. he could feel dan watching him.

"why do you do that?"

phil looked at him. "i don't know. i like it."

dan giggled. "you like my hands?"

"yes," phil said, completely serious. "i like all of you. it's just the only thing i'm really allowed to kiss right now."

that shut dan up, the blush darkening on his cheeks. phil grinned a bit, licking his lips, pleased that he had at least temporarily taken him by surprise.

"you're allowed to kiss other places too," dan murmured after a moment, his eyes trained on the ground. they were coming up to the gazebo but phil thought they would never get there if dan kept shuffling like that.

"yeah? like where?"

dan was chewing on his lip and he shrugged half heartedly. phil rolled his eyes and grabbed his waist, picking him up easier than he had expected to, hoisting him up to the railing of the dark colored wooden structure.

dan's hands shot to phil's which were still on his waist, his eyes widening in panic. he met phil's eyes, staring him down, his breath coming in short bursts and leaving tiny clouds in the air.

phil loosened his grip, rubbing his side gently in a way he hoped was comforting. "it's okay," he whispered, searching his face. "i'm not gonna hurt you."

"i k-know," dan breathed, starting to relax, but only a little. he still felt ridged under phil's fingers.

phil hated it; dan was a frightened rabbit, desperate to get away, when he was calm and lighthearted under all of that insecurity. it turned him into someone he wasn't.

phil's hand slid down to his thigh, dan's hand following it, and his other went up to cup the boy's cheek. he still looked anxious, looking at phil as if he had him at gun point, but also a bit like a frightened child, as if he was trying to tell him something with his eyes. phil pulled him down a bit, leaning up and pressing his lips against dan's.

he felt dan really relax then, nearly melting under his touch like honey. phil smiled a bit against his mouth, deepening the kiss and playing with a strand of his curly hair.

"is that somewhere else i can kiss you?" he asked softly after a moment, meeting dan's eyes. dan nodded, his breathing still shaky, but in a different way.

phil wanted so badly to travel across his cheek, see how dan's breath caught when he kissed down his jaw, or attached his mouth to his throat. see what pretty noises he let out. but he knew he couldn't.

not yet, anyways.

instead he kissed him on the mouth again, humming softly. dan wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible until the wood was digging into phil's stomach and dan's soft thighs were wrapped around his waist.

phil smiled, sucking gently on his lower lip until dan let out a soft attractive noise, pressing closer.

phil wanted to thank him. he wanted to thank him for pushing aside everything that worried him for him, even though he didn't have to. for kissing him like this despite the fact dan's head was probably crowding in on him about how big his thighs were or how fat phil must think he was, even though phil didn't think that, not at all.

"i'm so proud of you," phil whispered, the words brushing over dan's lips before they were gone, but he knew dan had heard them. the boy smiled a bit.

"thank you..."

by the way dan trembled with the effort not to break down, phil knew it meant something to him. he rubbed his thigh slowly to warm him up, and he could feel dan's breath against his mouth. after a while of soft breathing and a warm body pressed against phil, dan spoke again.

"i wanna go on another date."

phil raised his eyebrows gently, searching his face. "yeah?"

dan nodded. "yes..."

phil grinned, the smile melting onto his face slowly. "that can be arranged."