ART DECO | PHAN

twenty one.

1/29/17
114 lbs.

dan howell didn't like this. he didn't like it at all.

changing his habits so suddenly was miserable. he wished phil would slow down a bit. his stomach rejected half of the food he ate, and made him sick, or at least feel bad.

besides, every time he put something in his mouth he could feel himself expanding, getting bigger. he just felt shitty all around.

phil was making him check the scale every morning, which might have been worse than everything else. he had been doing it anyways, but to watch the number go up? he was dreading it more than death.

"phil, please let me," dan muttered, whining. they were working on the project, but dan's mind was preoccupied. he had run the day before but he really needed another one. he would go insane if he couldn't.

"no," phil said, not even looking up. dan stamped his foot.

"please!"

finally phil looked at him, straightening his glasses. "dan, no." dan could identify fear in his eyes, and he almost felt bad, but not bad enough.

"phil, i swear, i'll only go on the path you made and it'll be a jog... i won't over work myself, i promise..."

"no." phil's jaw tightened. dan shrunk in his seat a bit. he felt like crying but he didn't want to show weakness.

"please," he tried one last time, his voice soft and timid. phil sighed.

"i'm just trying to help you," he muttered, running his fingers through his hair.

"i know," dan said. "and i'm really grateful, but it's too much. i'm still losing weight, phil."

something familiar flashed in phil's eyes.

"y-you are?"

dan nodded, watching his face. "i can't go back to normal all at once. we're cramming so much in my mouth that my body can't take it." even those words had him sweating.

phil's eyes widened a bit in realization. "have you been throwing up?"

dan flinched, blushing. "not on purpose..."

"jesus." phil ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up. "okay. just... don't lie to me, okay? let me know what you're doing and we can find a compromise."

dan brightened, nodding. "okay." he pushed himself out of the chair. "then i'm going on a run."

phil looked reluctant, but he nodded. "alright..."

dan smiled, whirling around.

the good thing about wearing only sweatpants and sweatshirts was that dan was always dressed to run. he took off across campus, following the path that phil had decided for him. his rhythmic footsteps filled the silence and he fell into the slight trance that running always gave him.

he rounded the corner, and in the distance, he could see the parking lot. it would be a great place to run laps, if only he was allowed.

he frowned when he heard shouting and loud laughter, pausing to hear it better, his heart racing from the exercise.

he recognized female voices. he turned, walking in the direction of the parking lot. he peered around a bundle of trees, his breath catching when he spotted eva and a couple of her friends. he couldn't make out what they were doing but they were snickering in a way that made it seem like it wasn't good, huddled around a blue truck.

dan bit his lip. after a moment he realized; that was phil's truck. he had seen phil get into it at football games before.

before he could stop himself he pushed through the branches. "what are you doing?" he walked around enough to see the side of the truck, and gasped.

in big letters keyed into the paint it read 'consider urself dumped'. dan flinched. poor phil...

eva glared at him so fiercely he was a bit scared she'd laser him. "what are you doing?"

"i was on a run," dan said calmly, despite the shake in his voice. "what did you do to phil's car?"

"none of your business."

"it is my business," dan argued, frowning. "i'm his friend."

a muscle in her jaw jumped. "yeah, well, he was an asshole to me. tell your friend that he's single."

dan frowned, chewing on his lip. "well, he didn't call you back, right? so if you think about it, he dumped you."

apparently that was the wrong thing to say because eva stepped forward, shoving him, hard. dan stumbled and tripped on a branch, falling to the ground. he flinched at the pain in his back.

"aw," she said, in a mockingly sympathetic tone. "you're so weak, need something to eat?"

in a rush of anger and adrenaline, dan kicked out, hitting her shin with his heel as hard as he could. she gasped, flinching and grabbing her ankle.

"you little bitch!"

dan glared at her fiercely, trying to push himself up, but another girl grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked. he cried out, falling back down.

the girl who had grabbed his hair aimed a sharp kick to his gut, which made contact with surprising precision. dan got the breath knocked out of him, struggling to catch it.

"i know you're fucking him," eva growled. "don't even deny it. all you are to him is a toy, though, i hope you know that."

dan couldn't even answer.

after one more hard kick to the stomach and two blows to the face, they had apparently had enough. what little confidence and strength and leverage dan had had against them was clearly gone, and he lay on the ground, his knees hugged to his chest in a protective position.

they retreated, conversation that dan couldn't hear through the ringing in his ears filling the air.

dan stayed there, letting a broken sob escape him. for some reason, getting beat up didn't hurt as bad as some other things. that wasn't why he was crying.

he half expected phil to pop up from inside his truck with a worried look and a first aid kit, or katie to come out from the trees with a mug of tea, but nobody came. it wasn't fair of him to expect them to.

he sighed shakily, rolling over on his back and looking at the sky, flinching at the pain in his ribs.

take me away, please, he thought to the wind. carry me somewhere else.

once he felt like he could speak without crying, he called katie.