ART DECO | PHAN

twenty nine.

2/27/17
116.5 lbs.

dan howell was terrified that he had fucked up.

why did he have to say anything? why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut and enjoy a damn date, probably the only one he was ever gonna get at this point? he was pathetic. he had an absolutely incredible, kind, talented, funny boy after him, and he had fucked it up already.

phil didn't text him the next day, and dan automatically assumed the worst. phil must hate him; he must think he was so weird. dan didn't blame him, why would you want to be with someone who can't even handle a restaurant?

but the day after that he got a text from him asking him to meet in the library. dan dressed in his old clothes; a ratty (protective) red sweatshirt and black sweatpants, and made his way there when the time came.

phil was sitting in their usual corner, his pencil scratching almost determinedly against a piece of notebook paper. when he heard dan coming he looked up, smiling at him a bit weakly and nearly shoving his hand under the table, the piece of paper balled in his fist. dan watched him suspiciously.

"hey..."

"hey," phil breathed back. his voice seemed somewhat strained. now that dan thought about it, he seemed somewhat strained. his hair was messy and unkempt, his clothes looked like he'd thrown them on at the last second. dan frowned.

"are you okay?" he moved over to him and placed the back of his hand against his forehead, chewing on his lip. phil nodded, attempting to smile up at him. he caught his hand in his, kissing his palm.

"i'm fine."

for some reason, dan didn't believe him.

"what was that piece of paper?"

"oh, this?" phil pulled his hand from under the table, his face tinted gently. it was still crumpled, so dan couldn't read the writing. "nothing, just doodles."

"i don't believe you."

in dan's worried, anxious mind, he automatically thought of the explanation that phil was writing a note to break up with him. but then he remembered... was there even anything to break up? they weren't officially together... were they? dan was slowly yet surely realizing he had no idea how relationships worked.

phil blushed even darker, and he looked as if he was trying to think of another explanation, before he sighed and gave up. he held his arms out for dan, as if they weren't in a library, as if dan hadn't completely ruined their first official date.

dan blushed, sitting in his lap like he wanted, resting his head on his shoulder. phil sighed, seemingly calmed by his presence, and carded his fingers slowly through dan's hair.

"it was a letter to my parents," he said slowly. dan frowned.

"about what?" he asked, baffled that phil had felt the need to keep that from him. phil sighed again.

"about you..."

dan pulled back enough to look at him, blinking in surprise. "about me?" phil nodded.

"well... about a lot of things," phil mumbled. "but you're one of them."

dan bit his lip, his heart racing for an unknown reason. phil had told his parents about him? why?

"it's about eva, too," phil continued. his facial features that were usually soft and inviting seemed cold and almost anxious, but dan knew now that it wasn't aimed towards him. "yesterday she came over and we talked... i think she really hates me. and she's gotten her friends to... to leave these awful notes..."

"about what?" dan asked softly, reaching up to touch his face gently, just to remind him he was there. phil smiled gratefully.

"about, um... well, about me, calling me names... and about you." phil flinched. "b-but i think they're just mad, it doesn't mean anything..."

dan's heart dropped into his stomach but he chose to ignore the dull ache. this was about phil- phil was upset this time.

"it's okay," dan said softly, watching him. "s-so why were you writing your parents...?"

phil let out a deep breath. "well... i don't know, having all that happen has just told me that i don't think i could ever get back with her. so i was gonna tell them that, because they really liked her..." he flinched again. suddenly dan understood why.

"and... you don't think they'll like me," dan breathed, more of a statement for phil to confirm than a question.

"n-no, no that's not it," phil said quickly. "i think they'd love you, dan, it's just... they don't particularly approve of..." he licked his lips nervously. "me being with boys."

"oh." dan nodded slowly, his heart aching. phil pulled him closer and dan nearly melted into the comfort. "i'm sorry..."

phil shrugged. "oh, it's alright. they don't exactly disapprove either... they just don't understand it. they aren't used to it. i didn't want to take them too much by surprise, that's all."

dan nodded in understanding. he felt mostly relief, a little bit of pity, and a little bit of guilt. what if he was the reason phil's parents disowned him, or something equally as bad? he had no idea why phil wanted to be around him through all this.

"so," dan started slowly. "that means you think you'll be with me for a while...?" he could hear phil smile.

"yeah," he replied. "that's what i figured."

dan bit his lip, trying to contain the butterflies that exploded in his stomach.

"good," he whispered back, pushing aside his doubts, just for the moment.