ART DECO | PHAN

forty.

5/6/17
129 lbs.

dan howell's head shot up when he heard a knock on his door, letting his notebook slide off his lap, hitting the carpeted floor with a soft thump.

he rushed over, ignoring the lightheadedness that followed the quick movement. he flung it open, letting the doorknob slam against the wall.

"phil!"

phil stood with his hands in his pockets and he looked him over, his eyes hard. intensity shone in his blue irises. dan smiled at him, trying to look fine.

"why didn't you answer my calls?"

he sounded genuinely sad, and for a second, dan's heart hurt. he reached out and grabbed the front of his flannel.

"i'm sorry," he said softly. "i had to get out of there."

"you should've told me." phil sighed, and his shoulders slumped. dan could tell he hadn't been sleeping well. "she made me stay... i wanted to follow you, but she made me stay..."

dan searched his face. he looked like he was on the verge of tears... he stepped forward and fell into his arms like falling into bed after years of not being able to fall asleep.

"i'm sorry," he whispered, burying his face in his chest and breathing him in. phil paused before wrapping his arms around him, and a deep sigh from the exhausted boy rustled dan's curls. "i'm so sorry..."

"it's alright," phil mumbled in return, pressing his mouth against dan's forehead and closing his eyes. "i was just scared. i thought..."

he stopped himself, but dan knew what he had thought. of course he knew.

"well, i'm fine," he lied, pulling back to smile gently at him. he was fine, in a way... but probably not to phil's standards.

"what did you eat today?" phil asked, his face a little more relaxed than a moment before. he peered past him into his room, as if expecting it to look different. "i really wish you had stayed. there was so much i wanted to show you."

"i'm sorry i didn't," dan said for the third time, feeling guilty.

"it's okay." phil grinned at him, and dan recognized the boy he'd fallen in love with in his bright blue eyes. "next time."

dan smiled back, butterflies swarming in his stomach. "there'll be a next time?"

"well, duh," phil retorted, half of his mouth twitching higher than the other. he shoved his hands in the pockets of his heavy jacket. he suddenly forced the smile off his face and stared at dan, his expression solemn in a mock intensity. "i don't think you realize how serious i am, dan. you said you love me. you aren't getting away that easily now."

dan stared up at him, his mouth dry. he was so fucking alive, it was insane... every inch of him breathed and moved and consumed the world around it like some kind of experience sponge. dan didn't want to be separate from him anymore, he wanted to be absorbed.

god, he was shocked phil hadn't discovered he was completely crazy yet.

dan grabbed at his flannel again, beneath his jacket, and tugged. "come inside."

phil raised his eyebrows. "are you sure? is andy around...?"

dan shook his head and swallowed. "i love you. i love you, please come inside. i need you to come inside right now."

phil finally obliged, worry and curiosity flashing in his eyes. "is something wrong?"

dan shook his head again. nothing was wrong, nothing, but he was so hungry. he'd forgotten how hard fasting was and how long it took to get used to an empty stomach.

"i love you." he tugged at him again and phil pulled the door shut behind him. he was too far away.

"i love you too..." the curiosity was just worry now. worry, swirling in his irises. "you're acting strange. have you had enough to eat?"

every time he said something like that, something in dan cracked, in the best way possible. he nodded, tearing up. "i'm not acting strange... you're my boyfriend. i'm telling you i love you. i'm acting normal, for once."

phil's eyes widened and it made dan want to bite him really hard. he didn't have enough energy to be disturbed by his own thoughts so he just pushed phil's jacket off his shoulders.

phil was staring at him with something that resembled awe and it made dan's skin burn. he pressed close to him, kissing his jaw softly.

"how can you look at me like that?" he whispered against his skin. he swore he felt phil shiver.

"because you're fucking perfect."

dan grabbed him by the hair and kissed him harder than he ever had. he was surprised when it didn't feel any kind of dirty or wrong... it felt like something he should've done a while ago. like his body had been waiting but his mind hadn't known it.

phil made a sound and grabbed his hips instinctively. dan really liked it, the pressure right above his thighs.

he hadn't eaten in twenty four hours. he deserved a reward...

dan wasn't sure who had initiated it, if he had stepped backward or phil had pushed him, but soon his thighs were touching the side of his bed and he sat down, breathing heavily.

phil rested his hands on his shoulders and watched him. he was struggling to catch his breath too. dan didn't want to give him the chance.

before he could properly think about it he grabbed the hem of his sweater and pulled it off over his head, dropping it on the floor. phil's lips parted in surprise but before he could speak dan was grabbing his hands and guiding them to the button of his jeans.

he watched his face. he couldn't quite read what he was thinking; phil looked slightly pained, or maybe that was how he looked when he was trying to restrain himself.

"what do you wanna do?" dan asked softly. he wanted to hear him say it. phil's eyes met his, his fingertips still touching the waistband of his jeans.

"you know what i want to do," he breathed. his voice was just as pained as his face was.

it was kind of hot.

"then do it," dan muttered.

"you're sure?"

"you're so goddamn sweet, but please stop thinking."

phil nodded, biting his lip. the nervous, pained look melted away after a second and dan watched his pupils dilate slightly as he leaned in to kiss him. dan heard him shrugging off his flannel, a little disoriented by phil's mouth on his, and he had to break away as he pulled his t-shirt off over his head.

dan wrapped his arms around his neck as soon as the shirt was off, relishing the feeling of skin on skin.

he closed his eyes and bit phil's neck, and as he felt phil tug at his zipper, he let absolutely everything else fade away.