The Old Tuck Shop

ONE

I don't care how 'miserable' and 'horrible' you think your life is, it doesn't even compare to mine.

Most teenagers would think that their life is so dreadful because A: their girlfriend broke up with them, or B: they had a bad score on their test - or something cliche like that.

As I sat, quivering, on my way to a supposedly better life, I wished and wished that (If I had a girlfriend) broke up with me or had a bad score on a test, because, at that moment, nothing could be worse. I had lost my mother, my home, and my friends, without having a say in it at all. Even though my life at the time wasn't exactly what you'd call perfect. But can anyone's life ever be perfect? There were good times but a lot of bad times, but it was perfect for me. Well, up until then at least.

Although my mother was quite an introverted, closed-off woman, she had a few friends. I can only remember a few. She had a few boyfriends after my Dad left, but none of them was too special to mention. Out of all of her very few friends that I met, Mabel was my favourite. Mabel was special to me. She'd help out me and my Mum a lot. She'd lend us money, help around in the house and look after me when my Mum couldn't. She was probably the most selfless and kind person that I had ever met, and in a way, I saw her as a second, more organised and prepared Mum.

Mabel had long, sandy hair that stretched down to the bottom of her back. She always looked presentable and always smelt of roses. She was a polar opposite to my mother, yet she reminded me of her in some ways.

I felt nothing but relief when I saw Mabel sitting in the back seat of the car. I instantly moved closer to her and nestled my head into her coat and she wrapped her arm around me. I felt comfort. Although she was my mother's best friend, she felt like mine too. They grew up together and she's probably the oldest friend of my Mum. And in some ways, I'm grateful for that. Without Mabel, I don't know how we would've coped.

Unfortunately, Mabel couldn't look after me. She told me that my mother was going to be alright but she was missing. But I didn't care about her anymore. I moved away from Mabel and plugged my fingers into my ears, trying to block out any fake promises. Why would I want to know if she was alright? She left and she didn't bother taking me with her. Or even leave me a note to say where she was going. I could be dead for all she cared.

And so I sat in silence, trying my very best not to cry my eyes out, pondering whether or not someone cared for me. I felt abandoned. As I cushioned my head on the window of the car, I fought back my tears. I didn't want to seem weak in front of Mabel, even though she refused to look after me. Not only had I lost someone who cared for me, but also a part of myself. Sure, Mabel had lost a best friend. But I had lost my Mother. My whole world. Mabel had somewhere to go after this car journey, I didn't. I felt little to no sympathy for her.

Yet, I looked at Mabel whose fingers were shaking so much I thought they might snap off. The smile that once gave me so much joy, now only cursed me with sadness. I could feel she worried about me, which I don't blame her for. I could also see that she was trying to be strong. Not only for herself but both of us. I asked if she cared for me. The questions that were burning in my head to get some sort of answer, even if I already knew the answer.

"Of course I care about you, Finn. I always will," she replied, grabbing my hand. I squeezed her hand tightly, afraid that she would leave me too, even though it was inevitable. Everyone I loved has eventually left me.

"Then why can't you look after me?" I asked. My voice cracked, and the tears I'd tried so hard to keep in, finally poured out.

"It's...it's not that easy Finn, you know I can't," she said, rubbing the tears from my eyes. I knew she felt guilty considering everything she knew I'd been through.

I pushed her hands away. "Why not?"

She stared down at her feet. Perhaps too afraid to answer my question. Perhaps afraid that she would hurt me even more.

"You know that I would if I could. It's just not that easy...and I'm moving...I just can't Finn."

I started to weep. I realised that I was now all on my own. And I was terrified.

"Finn...don't cry. You know how much I love you, and I wish that you could come to stay with us, but you can't. I'm sorry." She unbuckled her seatbelt and tucked my head under her chin.

She said it in such a way that I knew it was genuine, and that there was now no hope for me. I could feel her breath on my scalp, and I could feel her fear. But she didn't want me to see her cry as if not to scare me more. She was such a resilient woman. My second mother.

The trip to the next location was relatively fast but felt like it was going in slow motion from where I was sitting. Throughout the whole journey, I clutched on to Mabel, and she pulled me in closer to her warmth. I knew I'd have to leave Mabel sooner or later, so I tried to make the most of it, knowing she'd have to go. This was not going to be easy.

When the car stopped, I felt my heart fall into my stomach with a huge flop. I reluctantly leapt into Mabel's caring arms, hoping that I would never have to leave such a beautiful woman, even though I knew it would have to end. It was only in a matter of seconds that my world started to plummet for the second time in my life. In that instant, I saw Mabel's bright, beautiful world crash before my very eyes. I would never have thought that such a person would lose hope. Her face, all bloodshot and bruised reminded me of my mother that night. I cringed and turned away. I was too afraid to look into her eyes in case I'd burst out crying again.

But I looked back at Mabel for a second, and her face was crumbling. But I don't blame her. If I was her in this situation, I'd react in the same way. A tsunami of anxiety flooded over her. She had lost a best friend, but I lost everything. She had somewhere to go. A shoulder to cry on. A kiss good night. I had nothing.

My whole world just vanished before me.