The Old Tuck Shop

EPILOGUE

Several weeks had passed since Finn had left to live with Ton and I'd gone to help Josh and his Mum manage the tuck shop.

I ducked under the old rickety door, even though I was short enough to pass straight through it. I did it to remind myself of Finn. To give my brain an image of him crawling through because of his height. I swear I could see him again, and his old trusty backpack that never left his side. I bit my lip, thinking I would never have left his.

I sat on the bench where we both met and remembered that day. I remembered the birds singing, and the trees swaying as if dancing to their tune. I remembered what noise the river made, and I remembered Finn's reaction to this place. It was priceless. It was everything to me.

I sighed and placed my bag down next to me. I grabbed the envelope out of my bag and stared at it for a moment. It had been tucked under my bed for a few weeks. I was too afraid to read it, and hear his real feelings for me, or if he even had any at all. When I mustered up the courage to flip it over, I noticed his handwriting. He wrote in block capitals: TO BE READ ALONE IN YOUR 'HEAVEN ON EARTH'. Typical Finn, I thought, trust him to belittle me even when he's gone.

I eventually opened the envelope, carefully. My fingers were trembling too much and I didn't want to bend or rip the paper as this could be the only thing reminding me of Finn. The letter was written on a typewriter. I noticed one on the way out of the care home weeks ago, so he probably borrowed that. I saw a few words and sentences crossed out. I wondered how long it took him to write a letter to me, and if he regretted leaving me. And I wondered what he wanted to say, but was too afraid to. I felt a wave of sadness brush over me as I pictured the last time I saw him.

I took a deep breath and read.

Poppy,

By the time you are reading this, a few days should've passed since I left. Or scrap that, several weeks (even by your lack of patience, I highly doubt you read this the day I left). You were always so forgetful. I hope that things are good and that you're helping Josh and his mother look after the tuck shop. You were always so good at stuff like that. If you want, you can help yourself to a bag of whatever you want. It's on the house.

Anyway, the pointless, boring introduction over, there are a few things I wanted to tell you, but I've never been able to tell you directly because a) you're too emotional, and would probably cry over every word I say, and b) you probably wouldn't believe it, anyway.

For the past fifteen years, I have created a system: that life is what you make of it, and it doesn't matter what we do, because in the end we're all doomed, or something like that. I know, it's a bad system - I can practically see your eyes widening from wherever I'm going. But everything changed when I met you. It suddenly gave me a reason to care. You are the sole reason why I'm writing this letter and giving me the confidence to pour out my bare emotions to you. You are allowing me to open up to someone. To feel things that I never thought I'd feel.

You're bright, Poppy Starr. I don't care what other people say to you, but you are bright. And beautiful. And everything good in the world. You're the girl I could never hate. Because honestly, I've never felt this strongly for someone until I met you. Before you, I've never wanted someone so badly. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I had to have you. I had never felt for someone in that way before.

As much as it hurts me to say, I know we can't be together. And you know it, too. This isn't just another teen movie where we fall in love and live happily ever after. This is real life, Poppy. As twisted, and horrible it is... You gave me love and hope. Even though our time together wasn't long, I still loved you. I still love you. But I have to let you go. And I'm sorry. Our time together wasn't long compared to other love stories, but I don't regret one part of it.

My whole life, I've done things for the benefit of other people, but that's different now. You showed me life through a different perspective. Through your perspective. And I don't know how I can ever thank you for that. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be having a better chance at life. Thank you.

So, Poppy Starr. That's how I feel about you, and it feels incredible to finally share that with you, but I'm more disappointed that it's under these circumstances. I wish I could've been more honest with you before, and I don't want you to blame yourself for anything. It was me, not you. My heart has spoken as truthfully as it can in this letter, and I hope you can see that.

Shine bright my little Popstar, and remember that I love you.

Love,

Finn.


After re-reading it a few times to check I didn't miss anything, I slowly placed it back into the envelope. I rubbed it between my fingers and smiled. He didn't hate me and actually the opposite. A tear had slid down my cheek whilst reading and landed on the envelope. It slightly smudged his instructions, but I didn't care that much. Finley Green didn't hate me. We didn't end on terrible terms, and that's all that mattered. I wiped my cheek dry with my sleeve and stared down at my feet, and smiled. It took a while for me to process what had happened.

I sighed. Maybe what had happened was for the best. Maybe I will never see Finley Green again. Maybe he'll find happiness someplace else, maybe he won't. Maybe we'll bump into each other one day in the future, and talk about us. Maybe everything we had was rushed, and everything could've been different. Maybe we brought out the worst in each other.

As I slotted the key back into the door and locked it again behind me, I thought about Finn. I thought about our time together. The good times, but also the bad. Without any real reason, I threw the key over the door and covered it up in bushes. This was our special place and no one else. I didn't want new love stories to bloom where ours did. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was not. I turned back and looked at the pathway; the pathway to our story and smiled.

Although I'm not sure about many things. I am certain about one thing. I loved him, and he loved me. And it all started with a stupid, old tuck shop on the corner of the street.