This is just about Ponyboy exploring his sexuality and trying to feel more comfortable with it.
I stared at myself in the mirror, pretending that my reflection was my older brother's. My knees were wobbling and my hands were shaking. God I needed a cigarette. "Darry..Sodapop.." I took a breath, but it sounded more like a gasp. "I-I'm.." I groaned in frustration and leaned against the sink. I couldn't even tell my own reflection. How on Earth was I supposed to come out to my brothers?
"Pony..?"
I sighed lightly, not even having to look up to know who it was. "Hey Johnny. What are you doing here?"
He walked into the bathroom and rubbed my back. "I came to see if you wanted to hang out, but you seem like you're going through some stuff right now."
"Yeah, sort of.." I muttered grabbed the hair grease and began attempting to fix my hair. May as well just go on with the rest of my day.
"Boy problems?" Johnny asked.
I shook my head. "Not really. I just wish I could come out to Sodapop and Darry, you know? But I don't think I could ever get the courage to. I only even told you on accident." I glanced at him. "Well..I told you that I knew I was different. I don't even know what I like. I just know that the thought of kissing a boy sounds pretty nice."
Johnny watched me mess with my hair for a few more seconds before laughing and pulled my hands away front the top of my head. "Pony there ain't no point in hair grease on already greasy hair."
"Guess you got a point." I sighed and washed the grease off my fingers.
"Look Ponyboy, we're gonna figure out your sexuality today, alright?" He walked over to the shower and turned the water on. "You're gonna get clean, put on a nice outfit, and I'll help you, okay?"
The corners of my lips turned up into a small smile. "Okay Johnny." He playfully shoved me as he left the room.
My shower was quick, as I didn't want to waste hardly any time getting help from Johnny. I walked into my bedroom and was surprised to find him sitting on the bed. My cheeks reddened as I silently thanked God that I had at least wrapped a towel around my waste. "Oh hey," he stood and gestured to some clothes. "I picked out an outfit. You don't gotta wear it, but it's a suggestion."
"I'll wear it, thank you." I smiled and grabbed the clothes. It was my purple sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off with some jeans. I hadn't worn it in a while but it had always been one of my favorites. Johnny turned around as I got dressed, but my I still blushed as I dropped the towel and rushed to get some underwear on. "So how exactly are we gonna figure out my what I am?" I asked as I finished getting dressed.
Johnny sat next to me on the bed and smiled lightly. "We can start now, but some things I'm gonna ask may make you a bit uncomfortable, okay?"
"Okay.." I was sure I could handle anything that came from Johnny.
"So, you want to date someone, right? You're cool with the idea of a significant other?"
"Yeah, I wanna date someone."
"So you're not aromatic; where you don't want a relationship at all." He chuckled. "What about..a sexual relationship? Like would you want to have sex?"
"Uh.." this was Johnny, I didn't need to get nervous, but it was pretty hard with questions like that. "Yeah. When the time was right I would."
"Then you're not asexual. And I'm guessing you only want to date one person at once?" I nodded. "Then you're not polysexual. What about.."
"Hang on Johnny-" I stopped him. "I like girls, but I also think I like boys. I don't know which I like more, but I know I like them both."
"So you're bisexual?"
"I guess so.." I sighed heavily. "And I guess bisexual is easier to explain to my brothers than gay."
"Pony forget about your brothers. They love you, and I know that they will accept whatever you like. Don't worry about the sexuality. Just focus on what makes you feel like yourself."
"What if I'm just making this all up? I've never kissed either gender, so how could I know?" I said miserably.
Johnny paused for a moment, looking at me. "I guess we're just gonna have to find you a kiss. I know Cherry Valance would probably be willing to help you out, or maybe even Marcia. They both like you well enough."
"They wouldn't wanna kiss me."
"If you told them you just wanted your first kiss to be from someone special, then they would understand. They're some of your best friends."
"But that's the thing Johnny," I frowned. "I want my first kiss to be special, just like you said. They wouldn't be special at all."
We were both quiet for a minute. Johnny seemed lost in thought for a little bit, until he finally looked up at me. "What if you kissed me?"
I nearly choked. Kiss Johnny? I mean, of course I had thought about it, but I never thought I actually would be able to. There's no doubt that he's attractive, and no doubt that he's sweet, but why would he want to kiss me? I couldn't deny that I had stared at him before, or watched him walk away as I'm in awe of how someone could be so beautiful. Finally, my eyes met his. "Johnny..I couldn't." I wanted to so, so bad. I really did, but I didn't want him to kiss me just because he was helping me experiment.
"That's okay..it was only a suggestion." He shrugged but I could tell he was sad.
Instantly, I felt bad. I reached out and arm and wrapped it around his shoulder. "Johnny, it's just that I can't kiss you if you aren't into boys or anything. Because, if I kiss you once, I doubt that it will be enough."
He looked at me and smiled. "Who says I'm not into boys?"
I looked into his eyes, and found no humor in them. He was really being serious. I grinned and leaned forward, allowing or lips to touch. Of course it was awkward, but I didn't care. It gave me butterflies and made me feel lightheaded, the way I had imagined it would if I ever kissed Johnny. We broke apart, both of us laughing slightly. "That was great." I said.
"Yeah, it was." We kissed one more time quickly. "You know I really like you Ponyboy."
"I like you too. I have for a while I guess."
"A while?"
"I just didn't know that you would ever like guys. So I didn't really want to admit to myself that I liked you, but deep down I always knew." I laughed and kissed his cheek. "Will you like..be my boyfriend."
"Of course Ponyboy."
