Unsaid

chapter twenty two

I got up early the next morning, despite the ridiculously late night I had had with my brother, sitting in my room talking to him more than I had in the last five years.

I pulled my hood up over my greasy hair. Usually I'd find it impossible to leave the house with dirty hair, looking like the mess which I did today, in skinny jeans that were starting to fray and a hoodie I'd taken from my brother, but today, I felt defeated, defeated with myself, my thoughts, my mind.

I walked through the empty park. Despite a few early morning dog walkers, I was alone, with the autumn leaves going orange around my feet.

I sat down on a lone bench as I stared out at the park I knew so well, I'd come here often when I was younger, usually play in the kids section, the one lined with swings and slides, but then I'd also play out in the wider areas, hiding amongst the trees and bushes. But today the park felt foreign as if I were an outsider looking in.

I definitely didn't love Niall, it was a school girl crush that I needed to get over.

A body slipped next to me on the bench, startling me as I turned around staring at the person who had come next to me.

"Oh for fuck sake." I groaned, surprised at myself for using words that had never really left my mouth before. Where did that come from?

"Such profanities." The boy tutted, smirking along with it. "How did Matthew go on you?" he added as I turned to stare at his sympathetic face.

"Better than expected." I smiled lowly, I don't know how he found me here, or why he had followed me, but I was grateful because of it. "Did you follow me here?" I asked abruptly as he laughed shaking his head.

"Yeah I might have." Niall laughed quietly, I sighed, holding back a small smile. He fell quiet next to me, whilst I did the same, watching a dog run through a pile of neatly gathered leaves, as they exploded like a bomb, flying in all directions.

"Do you ever get bored of it?" I asked breaking the silence as he turned around to me, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Of moving from girl to girl? Kissing a different one each night, using them all?"

"I don't use anyone." He tried reasoning with what he knew was the truth.

"You used me." I mumbled pulling my legs up on to the bench with me. He turned fully on to, with a pained look on his face.

"When? I wouldn't ever use you." He said quietly, I felt his hand move to my thigh as he stared at me, I didn't dare to jerk away, yet.

"You kiss me, whenever you feel like it, and then leave again."

"Because I'm no good for you Sophie, don't you understand that? I'm no good for you." He spoke fast as if trying to avoid something as I listened intently.

"You don't get to decide what's good for me Niall!" I informed as he shook his head angrily.

"But Soph, you know it too! As much as I hate the prick, Ben is what's good for you, you two are suited." He confessed, as much as I agreed silently, I felt no longer Ben's girlfriend. "I could never be good for you Sophie, I don't date, I can't date, especially you." He whispered as he shuffled closer to me, facing me as he studied my eyes. "I would ruin you."

"Then why are we putting ourselves through this?" I asked pushing my hair off my face tucking it under the hood. Niall looked at me for a second as if deep in thought.

"I can't stay away from you Sophie May."

I stared at him wide eyed, did Niall actually feel this way? I would've thought it humanly impossible for this to happen, something like this to occur.

"And trust me I've tried, but I can't."

"Niall, I have Ben." I murmured as his thumb ran along my jaw line softly tracing up and down. A frown set upon his face, etched with pain and guilt.

"Ben doesn't have to know." He whispered after an elongated silence, thoughts imploded my mind, with the feeling of rebellion and adventure coursing through my veins once again, no one had to know, but it was wrong, it was so wrong.

But what people don't know, can't hurt them. I felt myself nodding slowly as a small smile appeared on Nialls pierced face as he leaned in, kissing the corner of my mouth gently before pulling away, leaving me fluttering with excitement.

"But remember, I don't date." His voice came out as barely a whisper, leaving my almost straining to hear.

"This isn't dating." I whispered back. I was right, this wasn't dating, but what was it?

"Spend the day with me?" he asked as his eyes travelled from my eyes to my lips, and then back to my eyes slowly. I nodded as he smiled again standing up and cocking his head for me to follow him.

I hadn't the slightest clue what I was about to get myself in to, but as I looked cautiously at the tall male next to me, with the reassuring look he gave me as he gently took a hold of one of my hands,

I knew it'd somehow be okay.

... 

"Let's go." Niall whispered as he pulled me in to his car, once we had arrived back at the house, a short distance from the park. I pulled myself in to his car as he joined me in the driver's seat. Turning his music up louder than normal, he pulled off, silently driving down the road, eyes glancing towards me.