Unsaid

chapter seventy two

I walked along the empty corridor with Niall, tiredly looking down at the floor. I was aware of the fact Niall had a tight grip around my waist, but I wasn't doing anything about it. I felt bad, he'd been so careful with me and caring, and everything he made himself out to not be. He knew how fragile I had been at the moment, and he made sure I was alright, despite the fact I was being awful, ignoring his messages, brushing him off like I had been with everyone.

I didn't quite understand why I had been so awful to Niall, it was like, on the outside I was numb but on the inside I was screaming for him to hold me tightly. I knew it was what I wanted, a kiss from Niall, to run my fingers through his hair and feel his hands run down my sides, but at the same time, it was like I wouldn't allow myself to let it happen, and I didn't know why.

Although I'd never admit it to myself, or anyone, I knew my parents divorce had broken me, perhaps even more than it had my brother, I wasn't coping, and I think everybody had given up trying to help, purely because I had stopped responding. Everyone apart from Niall.

I heard the bell ring through the halls, Niall backed himself up against the wall, pulling me with him, still keeping his arms gripped around my waist, causing him to pull me in to his chest.

"Will I meet you at the end of the day then?" He asked quietly running a hand through my hair, pushing my hair out of my face as I sighed nodding.

"Don't you always?" I laugh weakly, putting on a smile, which made me feel better, seeing the smile that spread across nialls face.

I waited for Niall to walk in to his lesson, before wandering slowly back down the corridors. I stopped outside of my own class, peering inside at the people, old friends, before shaking my head and walking past. I didn't want to endure an hour of literature.

It used to be my favourite subject, literature, reading, writing, but now the idea of sitting there, and listening, reading words that I could once relate to, makes me feel ill.

So instead I wandered out of the school and went and sat against the wall outside of school. I'd wait an hour for the end of the day, which was when Niall would come out, and then tell him I'd got let out of class early.

Despite the fact that story line had been working for the past few weeks, it came crashing down as I heard footsteps storming over to me.

"I knew something was up!" Niall said, anger lacing his voice as I looked up at him worriedly. "You?! Skipping class? Sophie this isn't you!" He added, grabbing my arm and pulling me to my feet as I furrowed my eyebrows attempting to step back.

"Its one class" I mumbled yanking my arm out of his grip as anger rose in his eyes, grabbing my arm again and pulling me out of the school grounds down the road.

"Listen okay, I get that your parents have got you fucked up-"

He began but instantly realised his mistake as his eyes widened and he began shaking his head. I gulped looking at him, pulling my arm out of his grip once again as I stared blankly.

"Fucked up?" I whispered stepping away from Niall as he continued shaking his head desperately.

"N-no Sophie I didn't-" he tried recovering his steps but I refused to listen.

"That was the one thing I told you Niall, the one thing that hurt me the most" I could feel tears welling in my eyes as I stared at him. "So what, you think im fucked up too?" My voice suddenly rose as I clenched my fists unknowingly. "Do you? Have you thought it all along? But just kept it quiet?"

I knew I was over-reacting but I couldn't stop, his words had hurt me, cut through my like a knife. That's what my mother had said in the heated argument with my father, its what Louis had accidently said shortly afterwards, and now its what Niall had said.

"No, Sophie listen to me!" He yelled, pulling at his hair in frustration as I started to walk away. I didn't care what he had to say, he had hurt me, and touched on something he knew had affected me in more ways than one.

"You don't deserve it Niall! You don't deserve me listening to you!" I was so angry, I couldn't control. I kept walking, walking as fast as I could to home, a place that didn't even feel like home anymore. I was aware of Niall yelling in the background, trying to keep up with me as I ignored him, ignoring the words that would usually delve deep inside of me.

I was walking up my driveway, almost away from Niall as he caught me again, pulling me back in to him, as he held me against his chest, as if the proximity of us could somehow mend the words he had said.

"Let me go" I mumbled, the words tasted awful in my mouth, because a part of me, didn't want Niall to let me go, that part of me desperately wanted Niall to shake his head and pull me closer to him, vowing he'd never let me go, and that my request was nonsense.

But then the other part of me, wanted not for Niall to let go, but for me to pull away, to stand up for the stupid little girl inside of me for once, and yank myself out of his grip, showing him that just because I loved him, did not give him the right to hurt me in that way, accident or not.

But neither of those happened, what did happen shocked me, I could feel my heart shatter against my chest as nialls arms dropped to his side and he stepped back. He stared at me with such sadness and sorrow in his eyes as I watched him gulp taking another step back.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled, as I felt my head start to shake and my feet attempting to take a step towards him and close the space.

Niall stepped back again, turning his attention away from me as he jumped the fence and unlocked his front door, disappearing inside and leaving me alone, trembling and confused. Confused at why he'd retracted himself so suddenly, confused at why I was reacting like this, when only minutes ago I was screaming every possible insult his way. Confused at why this had all happened in the first place.