Hybrid Queen (Under Construction)

Reject me Now and Regret me Later

Chapter 7 *IVY POV*

 

“Was I bitter? Absolutely. Hurt? You bet your sweet ass I was hurt. Who doesn't feel a part of their heartbreak at rejection. You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger. That's my favorite part. It drives me, feeds me, and makes one hell of a story.”

― Jennifer Salaiz

Unfortunately, the sun didn’t rise on the horizon on this beautiful morning.The morning came rather quickly I really didn’t want to face Anca and her stuck up fiancee that has a problem with me. I mean if she knew that Anca had a mate somewhere out in the world and still forced her to get married than she one selfish bitch. Getting out of my bed was another story dragging my body to the bathroom was a headache I felt like half of me was dead and in a sense I was dead because my “True Mate” rejected me yesterday. When the warm shower hit my body I wanted to scream. It was like someone poured vervain mixed with wolfbane into the water ventilation. When I stepped out of the shower the blisters and cuts started to already heal.  I looked through my bloody closet to find a white dress, black corset belt, and combat boots. I felt daring today. Throwing on my outfit and combing my hair into a high tight ponytail adding a little bit of mascara, eye liner and eye shadow.

Walking down the stairs I felt like today was going to be fairly good. I Grabbed an apple  from the counter with a bowl of cereal and ate I felt an unusual presence in the area and decided to let it go since I was in a good mood I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door. On my way to school I knew things would be awkward for us but I don’t care she rejected me and I was going to live my life even if I married Kiara. There was traffic on the main road this morning and I decided to take a short cut. The woods were longer but it got me to school on time. As soon as I stepped out of the car there were a lot of stares and whispers going around the school but I had Kiara by my side. We walked in side of the school without a care in the world and I felt her stare  dig into the back of my skull. I felt like I was being suffocated with my own hands but suddenly I was released. Going to math was okay except for the fact that feeling the person you're supposed to be with forever stares at you with so much meaning and care you have to ignore it. Math went by really fast which was weird because every morning are apparently slow, but today since we had a surprise pop quiz the time went by faster. Even though I dreaded this class because of my ex mate, but other than that I love this class to the death of me. I want to be an author someday and English gives you all the elements of writing too create your own novel. Mr. Norton assigned us a to choose or make a poem to present in front of the class and me being the complex person I am I will do both yet  was to present them to the class next week. Going through my Iphone  browser was a pain in the ass, but I manage to find a poem by Barry Tebb.

Rejection doesn’t lead me to dejection

But to inspiration via irritation

Or at least to a bit of naughty new year wit-

Oh isn’t it a shame my poetry’s not tame

Like Rupert’s or Jay’s - I never could

Get into their STRIDE just too much pride

To lick the arses of the poetry-of-earthers

Or the sad lady who runs KATABASIS from the back

Of a bike, gets shouted at by rude parkies

And writing huffy poems to prove it...



Oh to be acceptable and

IN THE POETRY REVIEW

Like Lavinia or Jo

With double spreads

And a glossy colour photo

Instead I’m stuck in a bus queue at Morden

London’s meridian point of zero imagination

Actually it’s a bit like ACUMEN with the Oxleys

Boasting about their 150,000 annual submissions-

If what they print’s the best God help the rest...)

At least my Christmas post had - instead of a card

From Jeremy Reed - his ELEGY FOR DAVID GASCOYNE -

The best poem I’ve had by post in forty years

And Jeremy’s best to date in my estimate -

The English APOLLINAIRE - your ZONE, your SONG

OF THE BADLY LOVED - sitting in a cafe in South End Green

I send you this poem, Jeremy, sight unseen,

A new year’s gift to you, pushing through

To star galaxies still unmapped and to you, BW,

Sonneteer of silence, huddled in the fourth month

Of your outdoor vigil, measuring in blood, tears and rain

Your syllable count in hour-glass of pain.

 

As I read the poem I felt like I could relate to his poems so I decided to choose this one. Now to write my own poem it took me a while to figure out what I was going to write, but once I let go and let my feeling pour out I found the right poem.

I hope my absence worry's you

My empty seat reflects the memory of my pain

All I ever was to you was a man of pain and no hope

Just because I can't see things clearly

Doesn't mean I am what you think

I'm not what they say I am

They don't know me as much as I know myself

I'm just there

Trying to put together the big picture of my identity

I hope you realize that this was caused by my love for you

no

Not my love

My **** obsession

Your words

Your actions made me fall for something fake and illusionary

The fake charm and charisma that you've bestowed onto me is beginning to wear off

I can still feel you around me, but I want it all gone

This time, I know that this was my mistake, but now I know

That you won't be there

and neither will I for you. When I went through these poems I saw that they complimented each other in some type of way or form.   As the day dragged on I haven’t seen Kiara or Akasha ,  but I constantly saw Anca which was odd. When lunch strolled by Kiara was waiting for me in our usual spot. Her plaid shirt was wrinkled and her hair was all over the play and I couldn’t help but wonder if anything happened earlier today. When we entered the cafeteria  things got really awkward Kiara would always tense as if someone was talking to her or felt something. I decided to question her because it looked like she was feeling sorry for me all of a sudden.

“What the hell is going on with you Kiara?”

“Babe it’s nothing I’m just a little tired. Lilith has me running patrols every night and I haven’t gotten  no type of sleep,”

I could tell she was telling a lie because every time she lies to me her eyes goes a shade bit darker than usual. “I know you’re lying to me and I don’t know why. You need to stop bullshitting me and tell me the truth. We are mates and mates tell each other everything.” I caught her flinching when I mentioned the word mate. I looked her then at Akasha then everything started to clicked Akasha was Kiara “True Mate” Why does she take everything away from me first it Anca, but now Kiara? Like WHAT THE FUDGE? AM I IN SOME TYPE OF MOVIE THAT I NEED TO WAKE UP FROM. Sigh! “We are mates and you mated with me so I will give you a chance to fix this or you’re screwed!” I walked away from a very confused Kiara and angry enemy. No one fuck with me and I mean it. Tomorrow will be the day that I show all of them what the fuck their missing in their pathetic lives. Since I had one class left for the entire day I didn’t play I gym. Five minutes before the bell rang I left and decided to go to the other part of town. I was far enough to find somewhere where the woods started. I walked deep within the woods and sat on the rock crying while the pain in my body increased until I fell asleep.

When I woke up I was in the arms of someone that looked oddly familiar. My vision started to return when I saw this girl that goes to my school I really didn’t know her or her name. I took in my surrounding to find that I was completely naked, but I was covered in her sweater. What the hell happened last night? She set me down on my feet near my car and headed the other way. “What your name?” I yelled.

“Raven.” was all she said as she disappeared into the night. I got into my car and drove back to the mansion. Once I got home Kiara and Lilith was waiting for me in the living room on the phone trying to contact someone. After I stepped one foot into the house Kiara was the first to try to hug me but I moved as far away from her. Lilith gathered me in her arms and I felt myself hug her back without giving a second thought. I heard an unhumanly growl from the other side of the room. Why the fuck is she acting this way when she cheated on me?  I know the morning is going to stroll by fast. Finding my bed was easy than I thought.  Waking up in the middle of the night feeling this excruciating pain  I waited for what seems likes hours the pain finally stopped and I fell back into my peaceful sleep.