Our Little Dorm Mother

Chapter 41- Only Human

My eyes fluttered open as light seeped in through the gaps in the curtains. What day was it? But then it didn't really matter. To me, it was like it was the same day and I was just drifting in and out of sleep like I was in limbo. 

I rolled over to my side and saw that D.O was there again. He had fallen asleep with his arms folded in front of him as a pillow. I observed his sleeping face, his straight lashes were long and pretty as they framed his eyelids. His heart-shaped lips and pale skin made him look like a sweet angel-- a cherub perhaps. He sighed softly as he continued to sleep peacefully on the edge of my bed. He had been doing this a lot lately but I've lost track of how long it's been.

Ever since the incident, I hadn't been able to sleep alone in the dark.

Whenever I closed my eyes, Ryuk's scary smile appeared like his picture was forever engraved on the back of my eyelids. I would scream out and be panting in cold sweat and D.O would try to calm me down by holding me in his arms and rocking me back and forth. It had happened so often that D.O had taken it upon himself to stay by my side until I fell asleep.

I turned to him now and saw that he had bags under his eyes. I felt bad for him. He had been very kind to me by staying by my side every night, after rehearsals, and even taking charge of the housekeeping duties while I stayed in bed. I tried to get up and do housework-- get back to my usual routine-- but I couldn't. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was constantly feeling lethargic and I didn't have an appetite. It had also been a long time since I had last ventured outside the dorm.

D.O must have felt me stirring in my bed because suddenly, his eyes flitted open too. He got up and blinked a couple of times as he tried to find his bearings. Upon seeing me awake, he smiled. "Good morning, Nami-ah."

"Good morning" I greeted him back.

He stretched his arms over his head and proceeded to shake his body awake. His body must have been stiff from lying down in the same position all night. Once he was done, he got up and said, "I'm going to make breakfast now. Do you want to go downstairs with me?" He looked at me hopefully.

I shook my head. "Not today" I mumbled weakly.

D.O gave me a small smile, "Okay. I'll come up later with your meal" he replied, before closing the door behind him.

After he had left, I rolled over on my bed and searched for my phone. I looked at the calendar and finally realised that it had been a month since the incident. A month since I last stepped foot outside; a month since I had last spoken properly to anyone, apart from D.O.

I let out a sigh as I tried to motivate myself to do something different today. I couldn't keep staying in bed and leaving everything to D.O and the other EXO members. It's already been a month. I was stronger now. I had to start making an effort again.

It was time I spoke to Chanyeol.

I remembered how hard it was in the beginning. Straight after the incident, I hadn't been able to look at him in the eye. I just felt so dirty. On the following morning of the incident, I had inspected myself by accident in the mirror and saw that I had bruises on my neck from where Ryuk had tainted me with his kisses. They were ugly and blue and I didn't want Chanyeol to see. I was ashamed of myself and I was afraid that he wouldn't accept me now that I had been defiled by another man.

In frustration, I had scrubbed my skin raw to get rid of the marks but, no matter how hard I tried, I still felt dirty and impure. D.O would often come rushing up to me and to hold me as I broke down in the bathroom floor, covering me in a towel as he held me close while the water poured over our heads. He was the only one I was able to talk to without feeling embarrassed or ashamed of myself. He was the only one I could trust.