Finding my way [Complete]

Chapter 23

Kong's POV

I smacked my hand to my forehead. I am such an idiot. Fuck! I am the biggest fool in the history of fools. It was so freaking obvious. I was in love with P'Arthit. Of course I was in love with him. Now that I think about it I can't even remember the time I was not in love with him. I have been following him around like a love sick puppy for over a year now. No, even before that. I was probably obsessed with him from the very first day I met him.

I groaned and buried my head in my hands. How could I have not realized this sooner. They weren't even subtle hints. They were loud, bright, glaring, flashing, heart shaped neon signs all pointing in P'Arthit's direction. Was it obvious to anyone else? Did others know before me what my feelings were? I doubt it. I am a notorious flirt, probably everyone just takes it as part of my personality and doesn't think too much about it. Wait.

I am a notorious flirt. That's how P'Arthit sees me too. Fuck! He probably doesn't take anything I say seriously. I barely take anything I say seriously. Fuck! I am in love with P'Arthit. Who is currently in a locked bedroom with a guy who was kissing him without reserve. Fuck!

Ok, Ok, Breathe. There is no point in panicking. He is probably just having a perfectly normal conversation with the devil incarnate. Plus I don't even know if P'Arthit likes men at all. Wait, that doesn't make me feel better at all. Do I want him to like men? Do I want him to like me? Ah!

I was having a minor mental break down when suddenly the door opened. I was having a very difficult time placing myself in the current situation while my mind was in a whirlwind. When I finally made sense of what was in front of me, I wanted to go right back into confusion.

The devil's nose was bleeding and P'Arthit was holding his shirt. P'Arthit was also holding a bag in a hand which was swollen, green, and twice the size it should have been. From the looks of it P'Arthit had punched his nose. As much as I did not like P'Arthit getting hurt, punching was much much better than all the other activities I had playing through my head.

But then another thing hit me. He had a bag, he was leaving. How could he just leave like that. I had literally moments ago realized my feelings. I needed to do something about them right? I needed P'Arthit to...to what exactly?

I didn't argue and let him go. I knew something was going on with him but right now my mind was too occupied to have him around me. It would probably be better if he was away and I could think peacefully. Although knowing he would probably be staying with the devil tonight did not sit well with me, but I had no way of stopping that.

I spent the rest of the day in my room re-evaluating all of my life events. I was in love with P'Arthit that much was clear. I realized it took me so long to figure it out because until now I had never even considered being with another man before. I couldn't remember ever being attracted to one. Now that I had realized it, what did I want to do about it? I had always been confident when it came to women. It is not that I thought I wouldn't get rejected, I simply hadn't cared one way or another.

It was going to be so different with P'Arthit. I was still so unsure of my own heart, my own emotions. Add to the fact that I didn't know if P'Arthit liked men at all, and more specifically liked me at all. I had dated so many girls in the past year and he hadn't seemed to care at all. What if I tell him how I feel and he still doesn't take me seriously. Or worse hates me for it. I don't think I can survive if I never get to see him again.

After going around in circles I finally came to the issue I was trying to ignore. I still needed to think about my family, my parents, grandpa. I didn't even know what P'Arthit's parents were like. I picked up my phone to go through the stored pictures. I had sneaked hundreds of P'Arthit's pictures over the past year. I shook my head when I saw the sheer volume. I wasn't even trying to be discrete with my obsession. While scrolling through I suddenly saw P'Arthit's name flashing on my phone and I immediately picked it up.

I think listening to his voice was enough for me. I didn't need to make any choices tonight. Nothing needed to change this instant. I would go see him tomorrow. It will be just like it always is. I will get a chance to test both my emotions and his reaction.

I could hear grandpa outside in the hallway and I thought spending time with him before I left for my dorm tomorrow would be good for both of us.

I stepped out to see him adjusting his jacket and brushing his hair. "Are you going out somewhere?"

"Yup"

"It is 10:30 at night."

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Where are you going?"

"To meet Arthit"

"What? Right now?"

"Yup"

"Are you going to his dorm? I think he was going to bed soon. He is still recovering you know. Maybe you should go tomorrow."

"Nope. Arthit will definitely be there."

I looked at grandpa to figure out what he was talking about. "Can I come along then?"

"Nope. This is my private time with Arthit. If you want to spend time with him you can ask him out yourself." And grandpa marched right out the door whistling the entire time.