Thor: Ragnarok (Loki X Jamie)

Chapter 30: The Devil's Anus

Valkyrie opened the door to reveal Loki in chains.

"Surprise," he said.

Thor picked up a bottle and tossed it at Loki's head. It hit him, so they knew it wasn't an illusion.

"Ow," Loki complained.

"Just had to be sure," Thor responded.

"You could've let me prove he wasn't an illusion, but I'll allow it," Jamie whispered to Thor from behind Bruce.

Bruce entered the room while fixing his pants.

"Hello, Bruce," Loki greeted.

"So, last time I saw you, you were trying to kill everybody. Where are you at these days?" Bruce asked.

"It varies from moment to moment," Loki answered.

Bruce walked away, a little scared, to reveal a pretty angry Jamie.

"Jamie--" Loki began.

"I leave you for five minutes and you managed to piss her off to a point where she could've killed you?" Jamie said.

"I needed answers to how Thor and Bruce escaped," he stated.

"And you couldn't have me there because...?" she trailed off.

Loki thought about it for a minute then responded, "Okay. You got me again."

"You're lucky I love you," Jamie said, bent to his level, placed her hands on his shoulders, and kissed him.

"Still don't understand," Bruce whispered as they parted.

But what the others didn't notice was Jamie putting the disk on Loki's back.

"Is that a Dragonfang?" Thor asked as Valkyrie put a sword on a desk.

"It is," she answered.

"My God. This is the famed sword of the Valkyrie," Thor responded, taking the sword out of the scabbard.

"So, Sakaar and Asgard are about as far apart as any two known systems. Our best bet is a wormhole just outside of city limits. Refuel on Xandar, and we can be back in Asgard in 18 months," Valkyrie explained.

"Nope. We are going through the big one," Thor said, pointing to the largest wormhole.

"The Devil's Anus?" Valkyrie asked.

"Anus? Wait, wait, wait. Whose anus?" Bruce wondered while eating.

"Whose bright idea was it to call it that?" Jamie asked, trying not to laugh.

"For the record, I didn't know it was called that when I picked it," Thor responded.

"That looks like a collapsing neutron star inside of an Einstein-Rosen Bridge," Bruce said, approaching the window.

"We need another ship. That will tear mine to pieces," Valkyrie pointed out.

"She's right. We need one that can withstand the geodetic strain from the singularity," Thor said.

"And has an offline power steering system that could also function without the on board computer," Bruce added.

"And we need one with cup holders, because we're gonna die. So, drinks!" Valkyrie remarked, holding a bottle.

"Do I know you? I feel like I know you," Bruce admitted.

"I feel like I know you, too. It's weird," Valkyrie said.

"What do you say? Uncharted metagalactic travel through a volatile cosmic gateway. Talk about an adventure," Thor told Bruce, holding up a fist.

Bruce high-fived his fist.

"We need a ship," Bruce said.

"Need a ship," Thor repeated.

"There are one or two ships. Absolute top of the line models--" Valkyrie started.

"I don't mean to impose," Loki interrupted.

Valkyrie threw a dagger at him until Jamie leapt in the way. It entered her stomach as she let out a gasp. Bruce and Valkyrie were beyond shocked at her action while Loki and Thor weren't surprised at all. Then she ripped it out and the wound healed immediately. That's what made Loki and Thor a little surprised while Bruce and Valkyrie were even more shocked. Since the Aether has been enhanced, Jamie can heal from any wound immediately.

"I understand why you kidnapped him, but you're not killing him," Jamie warned Valkyrie.

Valkyrie put her hands up in surrender as she stepped back. Jamie lightly threw the dagger back so Valkyrie could catch it, which she did, and Jamie stepped out of the way and acknowledged Loki to continue.

"But the Grandmaster has a great many ships. I may even have stolen the access codes to his security system," Loki said.

"And suddenly you're overcome with an urge to do the right thing," Valkyrie commented.

"Heavens, no. I've run out of favor with the Grandmaster, but he still likes Jamie, which I do not approve of. So in exchange for codes and access to a ship, I'm asking for our safe passage through the Anus," Loki clarified.

"So, he really is in love with Jamie to a point where he's not going to invade Earth again?" Bruce asked.

"I told you," Jamie responded.

"You're telling us that you can get us access into the garage without setting off any alarms?" Thor asked.

"Yes, brother. I can," Loki answered.

"Okay, can I just..." Bruce requested, whistled, then finished, "A quick FYI."

Jamie gave a little warning look to Loki as she joined the others.

"I was just talking to him just a couple minutes ago and he was totally ready to kill any of us. Except Jamie," Bruce commented.

"He did try to kill me," Valkyrie pointed out.

"Yes, me too. On many, many occasions," Thor said then explained, "There was one time when we were children, he transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes. So, I went to pick up the snake to admire it, and he transformed back into himself and he was like, 'Yeah, it's me!' And he stabbed me. We were eight at the time."

Bruce and Valkyrie looked at Loki in shock, Thor looked at him with a glare, and Jamie gave him a teasing glare. He was smiling at the memory then looked at Jamie.

"You naughty god!" she mouthed with a slight smile and winked at him.

He smiled at that.

"If we're boosting a ship we're gonna need to draw some guards away from the palace," Valkyrie pointed out.

"Why not set the beast loose?" Loki muttered sarcastically.

"Hey," Jamie warned.

"Shut up," Thor snapped.

"You guys have a beast?" Valkyrie asked.

"No, there's no beast. He's just being stupid. We're going to start a revolution," Thor stated.

"Revolution?" Bruce questioned.

"I'll explain later," Thor answered.

"Who's this guy again?" Valkyrie wondered.

"I'll explain later," Thor repeated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N I died of laughter at the Devil's anus! 😆😂