Review book [Closed]

36. Stay a little longer

-Pankhu-

Wow. The summary/description was good. Really good, actually. But what happened in the execution dear? Truth to be told, I had high expectations but they got crushed. The description had perfect puncitations and grammar but you messed it up in writing the book big time.

So let's see what you can do. Let's talk about Point of view first.

First person's point of view. You had really messed it up. The first rule in writing in first person's perspective is that you just don't jump from one person's point of view to somebody else's. I suggest you write in third person's point of view. It will be better. And in third person, you should write in Omniscient point of view, ie. You can access all characters thoughts.

And when writing in first person's perspective, when you want to write in author's prospective. It's not author's perspective as you mention it. Write external narrative.

But if you don't want to write in third person then write in first person. Take care that you don't switch point of view every two lines. Change it in different chapters. For example, let the first chapter be in Anika's POV, second in Shivaay's, third in Anika's and it goes on. That's the correct way to do it.

You should write in inverted commas. It's not a script or drama I'm reading, a book instead. Now, don't add emoticons in between. It breaks the flow of the story really badly. It irks me so much.

All in all, this story needs to be edited badly. When you edit it, it will come out brilliant. But it won't be brilliant with just one edit. Keep trying again and again.