When Shadows find Light (SOTAM FF) ✔️

I'm Not Good Enough - Tam's POV

I ran to my room and slammed the door in fury. I let out my breaths in short, quick, rugged breaths. "ARGH!" I angrily punched the wall. I heard a slight crunch as I punched the wall and I saw the force had left a dent in the wall. I narrowed my eyes and scowled at the dent.

I sighed and said words that I wasn't supposed to. Linh came running up. "Tam?" she asked. I whirled around to face her. "Are you alright?" she asked. I stalked towards her. "NO, I am not alright." I snarled. I thrust a finger in the middle of her chest and she stumbled backwards in fear. I realized what I had done and I drew my hand back. "I- I'm sorry. I just can't deal with anything right now. I'm sorry." I apologized. She drew back from me and ran away. I sighed.

What did I do? Am I not enough for her? I wondered. Oh, wait. Nobody thinks i'm good enough. I thought bitterly. I threw myself onto the bed and ran my hair through my bangs, messing them up. I didn't care about my hair at the moment. I only cared about her. About Sophie. I ripped off my cape from my shoulders bitterly. I only wanted one thing. One single thing, and yet nobody could give it to me. Or I was just not worthy of deserving this precious thing. This one precious thing I thought everybody deserved. Even Sencen. That one thing was love.

But yet I just seemed like I couldn't get to it. Every time, EVERY TIME I had my hands right onto the edge of it, it always managed to slip away from me. Ripping out a piece of my mind after it. In sadness. Pain. Fear. Confusion. Hopelessness. Hate.

I couldn't let go of it just yet. At least I thought I couldn't. Well, that was why I hadn't trusted anybody in the first place! But Linh led me to her. Lead me to the others. Lead me to this life. The life of angst, hate, sadness, unworthiness, fury, fear, weakness... If only Sophie hadn't been so nice. So nice to Linh. Inflicting on my sister. But then again, this life would've been so much better than Exillium... But yet again...

So much better than experiencing this life-ripping, agony filled pain I was feeling right now. I couldn't bear it. I screamed in rage and I felt hate rippling through me. Like an aura of power. My power. My strengths. I could use it for myself. But I just couldn't. Because a small, feminine voice, one I despised right now, was whispering into my brain. You don't deserve this.

I threw open my window and hopped outside onto the roof. I carefully slid on top of it and I carefully dropped down. I ran to a brighter place and held up a leaping crystal. "Haven-" I stopped mid-sentence. I was getting used to Havenfield being my cooling place. But now, I was too angry to even see Sophie. Or anything else that reminded me of her. But I still had a feeling in the back of my mind that was telling me, You still love her.

I dropped the crystal to my side and sank down on my knees. "I love Sophie Foster." I whispered. My voice broke and I ran inside, grabbing my crystal on the way. I was about to run to my room, but I never made it. I burst inside, scaring Linh. She looked at me, concerned, but I didn't care.

I dropped to the ground in the huge living room and let myself cry. After such a long time of bottling up my emotions, I let it all out right then and there. I was slouched at the floor, sobbing, front door wide open for the whole elvin world to see me, Tam Song, the Shade, crying. Hard. Linh rushed over to me and stared at me for a minute. Then she returned one of my hugs. The ones I did to her. So we sat there, Linh's arms wrapped around me, and me, crying over the simple fact of me losing Sophie Foster.

😬