The Passage (h.s)

Chapter Fifteen

I don't know how long I've been sleeping. It feels like I've lost days of my life and I have a crippling migraine. I don't know what time it is, but from the looks of the sun outside my window I'm assuming it's late afternoon. It takes a few moments before I realize why I've been sleeping so hard, and why I'm hurting so bad.

The thoughts of the past few days flood my brain, it's not just my head hurting anymore. My heart hurts and my stomach is sour, I'm gonna be sick. Bolting out of bed and running to the bathroom, barely making it in time, I spill what's left in my stomach into the toilet.

Sometimes when you finally throw up you feel better, that's not the case this time. I prop myself against the wall, my bare legs seated on the cold tile floor. Taking my head in my hands I start sobbing again.

Walking away from Harry is the last thing I want to do, but he deserves so much more than I can offer. I wish like hell I could be good for him, but there's nothing to offer him. My heart maybe, but that's not going to be enough.

Crawling on the floor back to my bed; ready to hide again. I'd give anything to go into hibernation and forget everything that's happened between us. There's just one problem, and that's Sam, never in a million years will she let me stay in this bed and sulk. When she puts her mind to something, she's very determined. This is a battle I can't win; I'll have to face the world outside my bedroom very soon, she'll make sure of it.

In the meantime, I sit up in my bed clutching my knees towards my body trying to hold back the next wave of tears. It's bubbling under the surface; I can feel it coming. I don't understand how this hurts even more than the horrible things James has done to me. I think maybe it's because I'm genuinely happy for once, and I don't want that feeling to end. Whatever the case is, I've never felt pain quite like this before. I wouldn't wish this agony on my worst enemy.

Sitting here in my self-made cocoon of pillows and blankets, I become numb. Completely lost in thought and feeling sorry for myself, but I get distracted by two quiet voices in the living room that seem to have come out of nowhere. Panic starts in, my mind is so scattered I'm worried Harry is on the other side of that door. I need to stop torturing myself if I'm ever going to leave my room again.

I listen closely to figure out who the other person is. The second voice is staying quiet, but it doesn't take long to figure out who it belongs to. It's Niall, seriously why is this happening right now? I know Sam really likes him, but I'm not gonna lie I just wish he would leave. I don't need any reminders of Harry at the moment.

However, it's ridiculous to believe I can avoid all reminders of him, considering I spent 24 hours straight with him. We learned the most intimate of each other in my room, shower, and everywhere else in this house. Fuck, I can't take this. Why am I being a selfish bitch?

Against my better judgement I pull a hoodie over my t-shirt and go to the door, listening to their conversation. There's nothing silly or playful in their tone, which leads me to believe they aren't talking about themselves. Those are the voices of concerned friends, not potential lovers.

"Niall, I don't know what to do. I feel like she's running away because everything is too perfect with Harry. I know her better than she knows herself sometimes, she doesn't think she deserves him. I know it sounds ridiculous, but her piece of shit ex told her too many times that she's not worth a damn. And over time believing that became her reality, and now she's cutting all ties with him before some disaster happens. Being hurt more than her share of times, she's a little gun shy."

It's sad to say she can read me like a book, but that doesn't change anything. I'm not going back, it's what's best for him.

"Poor thing, that's awful."