Father Of My Child |H.S|

3

*One week later*
14thOct

[kyla]

As I am on my 8th week of pregnancy, I have my first scan today to see how many embryos there are and to confirm the heartbeat.

I'm still not sure with how I feel being pregnant, especially with the circumstances of the pregnancy.

As this is my first scan, I decided that I wanted to take Ciara with me. Luckily she had the day off. I needed comforting through this. I wasn't sure if I wanted this.

Obviously, I wasn't going to terminate the child growing inside of me, but that doesn't mean I didn't have other options.

My appointment time was 4:30pm but we arrived 10 minutes early just for the sake of it. We sat in the waiting area, waiting for whoever to call out my name.

It felt like we had been sitting here forever. I was overwhelmed by it all, which didn't help. Finally, a petite woman comes out of a room and calls my name.

"Kyla Jones"  her small voice called out. Ciara and I stood up and  began walking towards her, trying to hide our nerves behind fake smiles.

She applied some gel onto my stomach (that was freezing) before rubbing it around with ultrasound probe.

As she was explaining everything to me I couldn't help but look at the screen. All o could see was this thing that looked like a bean. It's hard to believe that in a few months that small bean would be a small baby.

The more I stared the more and more joy I began to feel. It was odd. This entire experience is odd. I walked in this room not knowing if I wanted to keep the child or give it away when it was born, just to lay here and become mesmerised by it.

It was then that I knew I wanted to keep it. Right in this moment I felt like I had everything. I knew right then that I was going to spend forever, loving, caring and protecting this small bean inside of me.

                                         •

After stopping st McDonald's on the way back, we finally arrived back home. I couldn't stop staring at the printed scans that I held in my hand. So small but such a big part of my life.

Already I found myself online, shopping for things that I am going to need for this child. I knew that I wouldn't know the gender of the child for a while, but that didn't stop me.

Within an hour I had already managed to buy a crib, high chair, a few toys and most importantly a lot of photo albums. I knew I was going to need them.

By the time I had finished online shopping I had decided that I was hungry. As I was raiding the kitchen to look for something to cook up for dinner Ciara came to the conclusion of ordering some Chinese.

"How about I just get some Chinese for the three of us?" I was amazed how she already considers this little thing inside of me a person. It doesn't even look human at the moment.

It was 8pm by the time the Chinese got here. We decided to be total slobs and spend the night eating this delicious take away on the sofa watching some TV.

Ciara flicked on the TV and a familiar face was on the screen. Harry's face. "Oh shit, I'm sorry Ky. I will change the channel" she spoke "Leave it, i don't mind watching him it's fine. This is one of your favourite shows, we aren't missing it just because he's on it tonight"

Honestly, seeing him wasn't what hurt me. He had done nothing to hurt me. What hurt is knowing that my child is going to grow up without a father in their life.

What hurt is that Harry doesn't know that he has a child, and that he will never know that he has created something that is going to be in the world.

I couldn't help but feel guilty. I knew the only thing stopping Harry from knowing he has a child was me. But I What would I tell him? 'Oh yeah by the way you have a child'? That sounds bizarre.

The channel went to a commercial without me knowing, clearly because I was lost in thought.

"Ky, what's wrong? I know you're thinking about Harry, you might as well tell me what's going on in your head" Ciara says interrupting my thoughts.

"Uh... nothing really. I just feel bad that he doesn't know, that I'm the one stopping him from knowing"

For a moment she just stared at me. "Then why don't you tell him?" She asked softly, only making me feel worse.

I looked at her briefly before looking back to my food, scraping my fork around it. "What if he doesn't want to know? What if he doesn't care that he has a child?" I look back up at her again.

"If he doesn't want to know, that's his decision. That's the choice he has to make, not you. I know you think you're doing what's best, but what if he does care and wants to be in his child life? That's for him to decide not you."

I was taken back knowing that she was right. But how was I going to tell him? I was worried about how he might react when I tell him.

I didn't want him to think I'm lying. I didn't want him thinking I'm saying he is the father because he's Harry Styles.

But I knew that I was going to have to push all these thoughts into the back of my head.

If he doesn't want to be apart of his child's life, that's his decision and not mine. I know that allowing him to decide was what was right. But not only that, if he doesn't care I know that was his decision and not mine.

As I was lost in my thoughts yet again, my phone buzzes.

Harry: hey, I haven't heard from you in a few days... everything okay? X

Oh God. This would be the time to tell him. But he's in the middle of a show... I couldn't tell him now.

Me: yeah, just not been feeling great that's all..

Harry: well if you need anything just tell me, here for you always x

Me: are you free some point tomorrow? If you are is there any chance we could talk?x

Harry: yeah I will call you in the morning. I have to get back to this show now, have a good night - H x

And with that, I went to bed. Drained from knowing what I'm about to do tomorrow morning. My stress levels were through the roof.