Breaking Boundaries

Chapter 36 - This Is For You

     Days passed. Three days exact. In the darkness, when I had nothing to do, I mourned. I know that my mourning will never be enough but I did the only thing I was able to do. I gave myself up to misery in the darkness for all the things lost and for all the things I was going to lose in the future. The darkness took away my eyesight in just three days. I counted time with the best I could but I knew I was off in minutes, hours, and days. How long have I truly been here? How much longer? Light refused to enter this room. I only have oxygen to live off of, nothing else.

In a time like this, I was ever taught to be strong. That's one thing my mother never taught me. In all her perfect reasons to distance me away from her...she could have at least taught me how to fight back. I had books to keep me company. I had words that kept me strong. Now, I have nothing. Nothing but darkness slowly taking over me. It already took away my eyesight. It was like a never ending blindfold was wrapped around my eyes. It slowly begin stealing my hearing sense. With darkness, the world became muted. The room provided me with nothing but absolutely silence. It slowly began taking away my taste. I no longer tasted freedom. Couple hours ago, a plate of food was thrown in here and it consisted of dry rice, beans, and a loaf of dry bread. I forced myself to eat in hopes of still keeping my strength but I couldn't taste anything. The darkness took away my everything, once again putting me right back into misery like years ago when my mother refused to let me out of the room. I should have gotten used to it by now but for some reason...this felt different. It is different. It was like a never ending cycle. I became a prisoner once again.

The darkness slowly worked on taking away my sense of feeling. I knew I cried at one point of time but the tears never gave me a sense of feeling. It's like it never touched my cheeks or fell gloriously down my face. I lost control of my own things because I knew the dark was winning. And I knew that slowly, as time ticks by, I would lose my mind. I'll lose my strength to stay calm. This room was meant to do things to people no other things could do. Hallucinations were part of the package. And I prayed, prayed hard I didn't get to that part.

I pull my knees back against my chest, rest my cheek on the right knee, and rock myself back and forth. I needed an escape plan to keep myself away from going crazy. Not to get out of this room but to fly away into a world where nothing touched me, bothered me, tortured me, and/or made me cry. Freedom existed from all this and all I had to do was find a place to escape. I close my eyes. Not that it mattered. If hallucinations took hold of me I wished for a projection of paradise. Like Bora Bora, that held endless amount of crystal clear water and privacy. I'd capture it in my brain and relive the moment forever if I could. But this was my cruel reality. I knew I wasn't safe anywhere. If I had known the truth about my mother I would never have had enlisted myself in school to get my education. If I had known people weren't safe to tell secrets to I would never have told Jolinda Mathews anything. Had I known the danger lurking outside for me, I would have stayed indoor and locked myself forever. Maybe I would have never moved to Colorado. Maybe I would have been somewhere else. My mother was right all along. She warned me. But I never listened.

But reality doesn't change anything, does it? It was always meant to come back and bite me in the ass. This room, this darkness did one good thing to me. It gave me time. My internal clock lost time but my brain conjured up enough to provide me with rationalism. I knew I was doomed from the beginning. If I have to make things right what is the first thing I have to let go? And how long before I finally come up with an answer worth listening to?

Metal rattles, pulling me out of my thoughts. My head snaps to the source of the noise and I wait until the door opens, letting minimal light into the room. The light isn't bright enough to burn my eyes that haven't seen light in days, but it's enough to make me look away for a split second.