Breaking Boundaries

Chapter 41 - It Didn't Have To Be This Way

Whispers and murmurs and mumbles. I could hear them. I've come out of my state. I've opened my eyes to the transparent dressing tape pulling against my IV, the gentle sound from the fan above me, and the beeping of monitors. The pain was evident in my mind and while I couldn't feel a damn thing because of the medications, my mind still played tricks on me. The evidence of the past was right underneath the sheets that was draped over me. It's the mental pain that hurt the most. I was objectified by the only man I ever fell in love with. But I couldn't understand who to blame more.

I put my hand inside the lion's mouth. I got bit. Who do I blame, the lion or me?

I muster up the strength to pull the sheets away from me in a single pull. But I don't look at myself. Although I am fully aware that just hours ago maybe—I was stark naked in front of an audience. The blurry conversation continues from the other side of me. I put my feet down, find support from the bed, and stand. I snatch the IV out of me and all the adhesive tapes off of me. I take small steps towards....the corner where I can see and hear the unfold. But the conversation feels alien. When I zoom in, I hear particles of my name being drawn in the air as a common talk. I don't want to be topic they discuss about. I just want to go home. I look around for a sign of Klaus but I don't see him anywhere. I don't realize my feet has moved further out without my knowledge. I've stepped into the lair. I intended to only for one reason and one reason only. Caro unexpectedly steps in front of me, catching my attention. I don't bother to ask how or when she got here. But the thought lurks somewhere in my hallow mind.

"Maya—"

"Caro. I want to go home. Take me home, please," I whisper. I fight painful tears from slipping from my eyes. I'm so embarrassed just standing here in front of everyone.

"Come on." She pulls me away in all my glory that's wrapped around a thin, makeshift hospital gown. The men cast their eyes at me and I make the mistake of meeting Tyler and Junebug's eyes. It's not lust that fills these men's orbs. It's understanding. It's gratification that I even let this happen and why I let this happen. It's also astonishment for a woman to do this for a man that well-deserved it.

I would have let him put me through anything just to find the closure of his dead sister and family. But not this. Never this. I let my friend take me away. It's only when we reach outside she decides to say something to me when she puts me inside her car.

"He's repenting." That right here—brings tears back to life. Caro says nothing else afterwards until we reach my home. She casts me a saddened look to which I ignore. I don't need sympathy from anyone but this right here feels....good. I had a friend who came to me. So, instead of running away and disappearing I hug my friend tightly.

"I repented," I whisper in her ear. I'm so thankful for her but I need to disappear and so I do. I walk gently into my house in the cold. And when I close the door behind me is when big, fat tears slip down my eyes. What happened after I passed out from the intense pain is beyond my imagination. I don't know what happened and I don't want to know. But I feel disgusted. I feel stripped off of my own skin that is meant to be there to protect me. I know Kayla went through this. But, I'm not Kayla. I'm my own person. And he just couldn't see that. He couldn't figure me out.

Moments later, when I calm my nerves, I walk into the bathroom after stripping myself. It feels odd to be this calm, this numb, and this bare to even be doing anything. When I turn the water on hot and step inside I don't even hiss from the sharp pain I receive on the wounds from the blow of the water. But the pain is there, lingering, making me wish I screamed the first time I had a chance. I close my eyes and savor the pain, something that works to distract me but at the same time remind of the bitter past. I push my hands out and drag them across my face upwards. Then I tilt my head back and let myself suffocate under the spraying assault of the water. What's worse, being out here in the open or being caged in the cell that I once was? There's a thin layer of protection around me and that's this house, nothing else. I don't think I can protect myself but maybe I can hide forever like I'm used to. I wish I could just cry and let all the pent up frustration, anger, and pain out of my system. But I can't seem to shed a single tear anymore.