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"Harry pass me the scalpel."

"The what?"

"The knife Harry. The knife."

I held my hand out impatiently, as Harry rummaged through the tray sitting on a spare stool in the overcrowded greenhouse.

Professor Sprout was standing talking to neville, who had a wide grin on his face and was nodding enthusiastically.

Neville was the best at herbology in the entire school, not just information wise, but he had a pure passion for the subject.

"Ah HA!" Harry shouted triumphantly, waving a silver object towards me.

"Harry.. that's a spatula."

He frowned and examined the object. Turning around silently and rummaging through the tray again.

After what felt like a century, he turned around again, and handed me a small knife, a cheerful grin spread across his face.

"I found it."

"I noticed." I chuckled and turned around, busying myself with the plant we were dissecting.

From a few benches over I could hear Ron and Dean talking, their voices carrying over to me.

"No. No I don't know. I know he's been through some shit, and he's not as bad as he used to be." Ron exclaimed, while sorting through a pile of parchment.

"Yes I know. But he's been horrible to us since our first year. You can't deny that, and it was uncalled for." Dean deadpanned as he started to dissect his plant.

"I know, I know.  He was a dick. But we were a dick to him too!" Ron retorted, as he placed the parchment into his bag and stood beside Dean.

"And I don't understand how Hermione just forgave him, especially after the hell he put her through." Dean glanced around the room, and I quickly averted my gaze back to what I was doing.

"I don't understand that either. But I do understand Harry. He was as bad as Draco, but in they end they saved each other's lives you know." Ron spoke, fiddling with a textbook that sat infront of him.

"I don't know how you forgave him." Dean shook his head after he spoke, and looked up at Ron.

"I don't think I really did. But I'm dealing with him, for Harry's sake."

My heart sank. I really thought I had gotten somewhere with them. But I haven't.

I've been trying my fucking hardest to be different. To change. All for nothing. They still don't trust me.

I let out sigh and dropped my my knife onto the table. Harry looked up from his textbook and towards me.

"What happened?"

"Oh I just dropped the scalpel." I said slowly, feeling an overwhelming rush of exhaustion.

"Okay. There's only a few minutes left we should get cleared up."

"Yeah." I agreed with him and began to pack away the things on our bench.

The bell rang just as I had closed my bag.

I turned to face Harry, "You can go on, I want to talk to Professor Sprout for a minute. I'll meet you in the Great Hall."

Harry nodded and caught up with Ron who was leaving the greenhouse.

I waited a few minutes, before leaving the greenhouse. And instead of walking towards the castle, I walked the opposite way, down towards the lake.

I reached a tree out of view from the castle, and dropped my bag onto the grass beside it and sat down.

I took out a cigarette and lit it with my wand. Relishing in the relief it gave me.

After a few moments of sitting there, I decided to put the cigarette out, I looked around for a hollow patch of grass or dirt, but I couldn't see any.

My eyes caught the pale skin on my wrist, and without thinking too much, or really at all, I pressed the tip into my arm, wincing as I felt my skin burn.

I let out a sigh of relief as I felt calm wash over me.

I blew the ash off my arm and pulled my sleeve back up. Tossing the cigarette to my side and standing up, pulling my bag over my shoulder.

I began the trek back up the castle, trying to ignore the burning sensation in my arm.

I can't believe I've been so fucking stupid.

A/N so we're delving back into Draco's mental health, I've had this planned for a while but I feel like now was the right time to.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

XoxxoX Darkdreamclouds

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