1 Month Later
This break up has been very hard on me.I don't even know who I am anymore.I started back smoking and shit.I think I'm going crazy.I got a broken heart tattooed by my eye like X.I got numb on my neck.I don't wanna feel anymore.I got gray contacts in and I twisted my hair and dyed it dark green.My skin feels like ice and I've been coughing up blood.Something is definitely wrong with me.I think I'm allergic to something in the drugs I've been using.People just don't understand how stressed I am.Ain't no medicine that can cure me that's intense is drugs.I need extra love love and that ain't even enough.Where the fuck is God?Maybe I ain't believing enough.Been sitting in this apartment lost asf.I don't know if I wanna live or die,love Trey or hate Trey,find myself or continue to be something I'm not. Man I haven't left the house Fr.Trey never even came back in the house,all his stuff still here.He calls every hour but I just got done breaking my phone so I won't have to hear him call again.I haven't did youtube since we broke up and the fans already know what happened they just don't have the full details.I'm finna make a video explaining it but I don't think I'm strong enough.I been crying for 30 days straight.But I'm finna make this video.....
"What is up to my gang what is up my squad.I told myself I wasn't gonna make this video or anymore videos to be honest.Thats the purpose of this video,being honest with y'all and myself.By the title of this video,you don't really know what I'm finna say because the title is the date which is today's date.So basically you clicked on this video blindly,not knowing what you're finna watch.And if you're mentally weak please click off now.So with that being said,I'm finna talk about me and Trey and why you don't see me in his videos and on the "Trazz Family channel".Im pretty sure all of you saw All Tea All Shade's video basically showing Ti and my sister fighting and y'all heard what Ti was saying.She said that's why I slept with Trey.Im confirming that her and Trey did have sex and that me and Trey are broken up.I am sorry to those who looked up to our relationship and became emotionally attached.Yall please stop tagging me in her video where she keep saying that she wants to fight me and that she looks better than me.So as y'all can see right now I look mad scary.My eyes and hair and tattoos.Im working on my physical appearance right now so don't bash me.Ti isn't worth my time and I'm going to fight her.Not saying that I wouldn't,I'm being professional about this situation.I feel like him cheating on me wasn't all of his fault.She knew that we were dating and stuff but ever since the reality house she wanted him.Some of y'all don't know about the reality house so let me explain.So as y'all all know my ex manager Janae introduced the idea of the reality house with Airi,Chris and Queen,Flight,Kellie Sweet,D&B,Ar'mon and Trey,Ti and her sister,and me.So Ti did an I like you prank and I kissed her and things like that but that was the old me,well and older version of me.Thats also back when her and Trey had sex and She for everybody came along afterwards.Looking back on that,I see now that it was very childish.What y'all don't know is that I struggled with substance abuse.I smoked any and everything plus I drunk along with it.Trey was there for me but not on no gay stuff cause at the time Nevermind.So then we bought the T.A.P house and everything was looking up and I met my ex.I never really told y'all exactly what happened but Word got out that I was in the hospital from food poisoning.Ima keep it 100 with y'all,that's a lie.When I found out Tae cheated on me, I took sleeping pills and tried to kill myself.When I woke up,I was in a hospital with Trey by my side.He was talking to me and stuff and I realized how much I liked him but wait.This wasn't my first suicide attempt,in the past I cut myself and I had the nastiest attitude.At the time my stepmom was in a bad car accident and she called me.When I lived with her,I treated her badly and I did shit to her.Thats the same day I found out my ex cheated and that was the icing on the cake.And when I woke up to Trey,it was like perfect timing.So after all of this we decided to move out here in L.A with Darryl and Kennedy.Which things went down but ima get to that in a minute.And yes y'all me and Trey did have sex for the people who was commenting on my IG.But anyways things weren't bad in our relationship,we just didn't have the time.So y'all know I had a show a while back,right before they went on tour.So when they performed She For Everybody which Trey didn't wanna do But I made him,I made a shady comment towards Ti which I didn't think much about.But Trey was like I don't like that you said that and of course I was mad.So he left on bad terms and then me and Darry wait lemme back it up some.On our flight to L.A when we first moved here,Trey told me that he apologized to Ti which I didn't like at all.The night before we "woo woo bang banged" and afterwards he was acting different.So when he told me I was shocked but not really.So back to me and Darryl.When Trey left me and Darryl um.So me and Darryl kissed multiple times and we almost had sex.So I wanted to tell Trey because it was eating me alive.So I made plans to go to Atlanta and Darryl wanted to come too.So he could get Kennedy back.Also my brother and sister which is the girl you see fighting were already there.When I got to the hotel I found out that he was cheating on me and we talked.So he was cursing at me and and he was holding me to the point where my skin started bleeding and he saw a hickey on my neck.Yes Darryl put it there but that's all we did was kiss.So I basically explained to y'all everything but I wanna tell y'all how I feel.The fact that Trey would cheat on me hurts.I put so much work into out relationship and the fact that we broke up hurts.Love hurts.I don't know who I want or what I want anymore.Im really just lost right now as y'all can see.Im hurting right now.Not just mentally but physically.Yall the thing that hurt me most is that he cursed at me.The Trey I know would never do that too me.The Trey I knew would never hurt me.(I started crying).I feel like it's all my fault.I wish it was something I could've did differently.Trey is not a bad person so please stop bashing him.I messed up too and please don't drag Darryl.Its not his fault.(I lifted up my shirt).Trey told me that these are my battle scars and that I should look at them and think of the person that I use to be and who I am now.This whole break up has really took its toll on me and I don't know what do.Sometimes I feel like I wanna go to sleep and never wake back up again.But I think of y'all and my beautiful family but sometimes it's just not enough.The fact that Trey stays with Ar'mon which is right over there (pointing at window).Looking at my happiness through a window knowing that it's not mine anymore.The fact that Ti wanted to be selfish and take him from me not knowing what he meant to me.That shit hurts and I wouldn't wish heart break on anyone.Not even her.The pain I'm in right now is indescribable.Im really trying to be strong for y'all right now but I just can't.I love y'all with all of what's left of my heart."
