I've been very annoyed lately. Like with everything. Not with my son and Jazz but like everything. I have bills that need to be paid. I have a car note that needs to be paid. But I have no time to make money. These doctor visits with Mar are draining me plus Jazz have shows too.
She has money, I don't.
"Trey the doctor says he's doing much better. I spoke to her earlier"Jazz smiled. "It doesn't seem like it. He's throwing up more, and having constant headaches. He needs surgery"I said.
"Trey they have to take things slow. They just can't take the tumor from his head just yet. They have to remove the stomach cancer first"Jazz looked at me and said.
"Jazz it's growing on the side of his head.Its making him sleep more and more. One day he's going to go to sleep and never wake up again"I said in the harshest way possible.I looked up and she was crying.
"Mommy I'm going to die"Amarion came from no where and I felt so bad. I tried hugging Jazz and saying sorry but she refused.He started crying along with her.
I hate seeing her cry. Whenever she cries , I cry. I hate showing my emotions and I know she does too.
"I'm sorry baby"I hugged her and him at the same time.She stayed in my arms a long time just crying. I pulled away.
"Trey don't ever talk that way around him. I keep telling him that he's okay and that he's strong. And for you to say that, you don't care. You're his father Trey, act like it."she said.
"I said I'm sorry Jazz, It's just"she cut me off with an attitude. "It's just what Trey?You don't give a damn.You're giving up on life"she said.
"Jazz you just don't know"I looked away. Her eyes are burning a hole. "Know what"her eyes look thoughtful.
"Never mind"I turned away and started walking. "Trey you don't even act like a dad, you're never here"she screamed. I looked at her and she faced me.
"Jazz I'm broke. Every penny I get goes straight to this house and my mama. I pay for all of my family's bills.I have the world on my shoulders. Ar'mon don't pay for anything. I do the shows by myself and I pay for the kids stuff. I'm trying Jazz to keep everything from falling apart.My mama been sick lately and I pay for the her hospital bills. I do every fucking thing. And what do I get, nothing. Nobody here for me Jazz. Nobody in my corner. Nobody. Not my brother and not you. I have nobody."my voice cracked.
"Trey I didn't know you felt this way. I don't care if we have issues, you can talk to me. I don't give a damn if we're not together, you can always talk to me. I will always be here for you, okay? Don't hold all this is in, because imagine if you're alone. What would you turn to?Drugs Trey. You know you can talk to me. I opened up to you at one point. You read my journals. You know what I went through and the fact that you keeping stuff from me , irks me.How long have you been holding this in?"she said.
I had the most guiltiest look on my face. Her eyes flashed to my arms and wrists and her mouth dropped.
"You told me you wouldn't Trey. You've been using. Trey those dark spots and holes on your arm, they come from drugs. I can't even look at you right now. How could you? You used to hold be down when I had panic attacks. I almost overdosed several times. I almost didn't wake up. You were by my side through all of it and now you're doing the same. Do you know how I feel right now? Like you didn't take anything from my situations. I almost died and you going down that same path. Baby, I mean Trey you should've told me."she had tears in her eyes.
I feel so, so, I don't even have words.
"Sometimes I go to sleep and wish I would never wake up again.Thats the type of shit I'm on right now."i let tears fall like a little bitch. Jazz walked up to me and held onto me. She held my neck and rocked me like she would do Aj.
She looked at me and kissed me. She stood on her tippy toes and tongued me down. I picked her up and held her as we kissed. I missed her like hell.
I ain't finna fuck her right now. I don't need pussy right now. Even if it's from Jazz and I do miss it. I miss every part of her man. But I feel like crying right now.I pulled away.
She leaned back in but I curved her.
"I'm not in the mood right now Jazz."I sat her down. "I wasn't gonna have sex anyways. I missed kissing you Trey that's all. You really hurt my feelings when you told me I was loose and shit. I don't think I can ever love you like that we'll make love to you. she said.
"I'm sorry Jazz"I said. "I pushed out three big headed ass kids and they stretched my shit. But I fixed all that. Too bad you won't see it"she smiled.I smiled too, she's beautiful.
Me and Jazz put the kids too sleep and stuff. I got in my bed and she came in too. She hopped in the bed with me and wrapped her arms around me and sucked on my neck the entire time. Teasing me and shit. I started sucking on her neck and she couldn't take it. She started moaning under her breath. "Stop"she pushed my face. I listened.
She stripped out of all her clothes and put my hands on her ass. She got real close on me. I'm in my boxers and she really on top of me naked, like cmon. I know she feel my dick cause she got her eyes closed and smiling.
I kissed her lips all nasty and stuff. She kissed me back. "So we together"I asked.
"Nope"she smiled.
I laughed and we went to sleep. It's been a while since I got some good sleep.
So I woke up and Jazz not here. I looked everywhere. I got my son and we did our morning routines. It's like 6 and he has an appointment at 8.So I made breakfast and I keep calling Jazz.She took Aj too.
So it's time for me and my son to go.I started driving and we made it to the doctors office. We walked in and signed in and stuff. They called his name.
"I want mommy"Mar started crying loud. "It's okay son. Be nice to the doctor"he poked out his bottom lip. They put the mask on him and I put one on too.
*(We went through the whole session and still no call from Jazz.We left the hospital)*
"Son you want ice cream" he smiled and started jumping.I drove down the street and we ate ice cream and had fun. I had to pee so I went to the store.Mar picked out a bunch of toys and got candy. I payed for it and went to the bathroom.
I finished and Mar pointed out some flowers. They're roses. I picked 12 blood red roses and a vase with a card for Jazz. We went to the car and he went to sleep.
I drove home and noticed Jazz car so I walked in with Mar.
"Jazz so I went to the store and saw some stuff you might like"I looked and she on top of Ar'mon and he ain't got no clothes on. Wow.
"Oh my fault, continue what y'all was doing"I sound hurt asf. I really thought I could get Jazz back. I thought we made some kind of connection last night. But all girls are the same...
Jazz POV coming soon
