Carte Reviews (Closed)

Juliette: Twisted Tales: The Lost Heir

Reviewed by Key Keeper Juliette Dragonrat703

Author: OncerQueen16
Title: Twisted Tales: The Lost Heir
Genre: Fantasy, Adventure,

Cover 2/5

The cover has potential, but needs improvement. First of all, the subtitle at the top is cut off (all I can read is "Dormant Inside Her." When you upload the image, be sure it's the right size to fit. I like that your cover has a strong color theme, but the image of the woman is a bit blurry. The image might also be improved by making it clearer that this is a fantasy book, maybe by using a well-recognized image (e.g., a castle, magic). Right now, you can't really tell what genre it is (to me it looks like a romance book, and didn't fit the tone of the story at all) and this could turn away potential readers. I think the font for the title is acceptable, although you might want to experiment more. It could also be repositioned to make it stand out more from the rest of the cover. 

Blurb 5/5

The blurb summarizes the main character, her goal, and the plot of the story very well. There were no typos that I could see, besides the fact that "To find her father again" shouldn't begin with a capital since it's a continuation of the previous sentence. You gave a great snapshot into the world and the conflict, and managed to give off a feeling of excitement and suspense in just a few short paragraphs. Excellent job!

Title 3/5

The title makes it clear what genre the book is in, which is very good for attracting your target audience. However, "Twisted Tales" gives the impression that it will be more like a book of fairy tales, with short stories instead of one long one. It became clear later on why the book was called "Twisted Tales," and the title could definitely work, but you might consider making it seem less like a fairy tale book. "The Lost Heir" is a common title, but it grounds the story as a fairytale fantasy, so I believe it works well, although other titles may work better.

Plot 9/10

The book started with an intense prologue, then proceeded to a flashback into Mirea's childhood. While the backstory is very interesting, I feel that it took too long to get the plot started. It almost felt like two prologues, since neither one was telling the true story. The first backstory scene could have been moved to later so that readers get a chance to get absorbed into the main story. The plot was very interesting and unique. You did an excellent job of worldbuilding along with the plot, giving readers enough information to understand the story without getting overwhelmed with information. I like how you fill in bits and pieces of the past with each flashback and don't give it all at once. I felt like each chapter gave more and more pieces of information and built on the plot. The plot was excellently paced and gave time for many different subplots to develop as well. The mysteries you've sprinkled throughout build suspense, and the plot is a great balance between action, character development, and worldbuilding. Very little improvement is needed.

Character Development 13/15

Mirea is a very likeable main character right from the start. The snapshots you gave into her past help build her complexity, and her goals are very well defined. Her relationship with her father is very well developed (much more than parent-child relationships are typically developed in books). Adrian makes for an excellent friend and possible romantic interest. He's very likable and provides excellent humor. Make sure he has some flaws, as this is a common trap writers can fall into with male romantic interests. Madam Yavaine is the typical mean, crazy manager of the orphanage. Her character type isn't uncommon, but she is a good minor antagonist. Try to hint at a backstory for her so she isn't pure evil, although her role in the story seems minor, so this is not necessary. The story is still in it's beginning stages, but already I have a good feel for everyone's personalities, and it seems likely that they will only continue to grow.

Spelling and Grammar 6/10

Your writing and descriptions were excellent, but they were somewhat marred by grammar and spelling mistakes. All of these are easily fixable (I like to recommend Grammarly, which is a free writing checker that catches most of these things). Your main problem was forgetting apostrophes or adding them unnecessarily. Make sure to proofread before publishing your chapters. The plural forms of nouns never need apostrophes, and this was a mistake you made multiple times.

Overall 8/10

It's an excellent read for fantasy lovers, and the plot and characters are exciting and likable. A tidy-up on grammar and the cover and it will be an all-around beautiful story.

Other Comments:

The font for the signs in the story (e.g., "The Kasterlim Educational Library" should probably be changed. I know Wattpad has limited fonts, but I would make them italicized instead. They look the same as the author's notes announcing time skips and it might confuse readers. Otherwise, no other comments except that I loved what I've read and I wish you luck!