Carte Reviews (Closed)

Juliette: Redemption

Reviewed be Dragonrat703

Author: Rosephilips
Title: Redemption
Genre: Science Fiction

Cover 5/5

I love your cover. The genre is conveyed right away and the fiery circle aesthetic attracted me right away. The brownish gray city in the background also conveys the dystopian aspects of the book. When I saw your cover I became very excited to read your story, and it needs no other work.

Title 4/5

It's really good and follows the trend of "single-word" titles. As of yet, I can't see how it connects to the plot, but I assume it will eventually. It doesn't really convey genre and is a bit generic/overused, but it works very well and is very easy to remember.

Blurb 2/5

You should probably list the books ranking later. The first thing browsers should see is something that grabs their attention, so this is the place for a gripping hook. You have a good opening question, although it is quite generic. In fact, most of the blurb is pretty generic. You use terms like "mystreries of her past" and "life thrust upon her," but we don't really get a sense of what this life or past is. Talking about the mystery and using dramatic terms, perhaps talking referring to the seperation from her parents and talking about the society a bit would help. Mentioning Tom and his shapeshifting powers would also probably be a seller. We don't really know anything about your characters or world from the blurb, and adding in intriguing tastes of these things would do a better job of luring in readers.

Plot 7/10

The plot has a great premise and interesting world, but this is marred by the time skips. I love the mystery of the world and found the scene in the hotel quite gripping. However, when the time skip happened, I felt very cheated. The prologue is supposed to be the backstory, and I was focused on the events of the hotel and Rose's journey at that stage in her life. Skipping ahead two years put the character's in a completely different situation and revealed that the established plot was just backstory. It's fine to do the plot now, but that means that the scenes in the hotel should probably be taken out, because it leaves readers feeling cheated. I was also confused at the beginning, with the immediate skip from the prologue to Rose at the hotel. There was little establishment of back story and it left me lost. Explaining more about Rose's backstory and life would help me feel more attached to the plot. That said, I was intrigued by Rose's motives in the resistance and the mystery of Tom and the people he was working with. You definitely know how to add mystery.

Character development 10/15

I didn't really get to know that much about the characters. Rose's motivations were clear, and Tom presents himself as a possibly complex character, with his decision to help Rose hinting at compassion. The opening scenes had a lot of action, so there wasn't much time for character development, but as noted before, there should be more explanation of Rose's back story. I could understand her emotions, but I still had no concept of who she really was. However, little hints of character develepment are sprinkled throughout and I could definitely get a sense of your characters. Rose and even Tom were likeable, and overall you did a good job.

Spelling and grammar 8/10

Overall your grammar and spelling were excellent, except for a bit of bad punctuation. However, you had a tendency to put unnecessary filler words that made sentences awkward. For example, you put unnecessary "thoughs" much of the time, and there were sentences like "There is also no sign of the four men either." The sentence is very awkward and one of those words should be removed. Reading your story out loud would help catch these awkward sentences. On another note, you only did this once, but try not to use exclamation points in narration. It makes it look like you are trying to make the moment exciting, which pulls readers out of the story. If readers are engaged, they will feel excitement without help from puntuation. I do applaud you for your great spelling, as this often pulls people out of the story.

Overall 7/10

The story could use some work, but it's a great premise. I really love the world you've set up, and the mystery definitely pulls readers in. Deciding where and when you want the story to happen would be great, as well as cleaning up some awkward sentences. I really love what you've gotten started, and I can definitely imagine this story achieving great popularity on Wattpad. Excellent job!

Other comments: The images you used for scene breaks were distracting. The design was nice, but it was too stretched out, and it didn't have a very good aesthetic. Searching for a better image would imrpove this.