Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Thirty Eight

It feels as though I haven't talked to Brooke in weeks. But, in reality, I saw her three days ago on Friday. I had battling thoughts in my mind all day yesterday, trying to decide whether I wanted to call her or text her or try to hang out with her again. In the end, she never replied or never reached out to me, so I guessed that she was busy. Which was fine, I guess...but it was alittle lonely after I had left Michael's house Saturday afternoon. Well, it wasn't just a little lonely...it was very lonely. I haven't tried to call Michael or talk to him in any form, because I just didn't see the point. Of course he's my best friend and our fights (if we ever have any) are short...so maybe that's why I didn't try to speak with him.

And, not to mention, I was more than blown away at what we had actually fought about 48 hours ago. It was the same old thing we've talked about so many times, and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of people telling me that I'm a mess, or that I'm...that I'm stupid... and that I should break up with Brooke. They've all dropped so many hints to me that I should do that, and I'm over it. Why in the world would breaking up with Brooke fix anything? She cares about me; I know she does. Come to think of it, sometimes I feel as though she's the only one who cares about me. Sometimes, I don't feel like Michael is trying to help me. He says he is, but I don't get how he is. If he's trying to help me, he's doing a shitty job at it.

Now, it was Monday, the one day I dread the most. I dread almost everyday that's not the weekend, and I will continue to fear it until summer break starts. Which is about a month and a half away, now that I think about it. It's relatively close, and I only pray that I will be able to keep both my head and my grades up until this year is over. I'm tired of school; I despise it.

"How's work going?" my grandmother asked me as I walked through the kitchen to find some breakfast.

"Good," I nodded, thinking about my job at the record shop. I really do enjoy it, since it's something for me to do when no one wants to hang out with me, and it's also a way to help keep a roof over our heads. Recently we've gotten new employees to fill in some hours, so it hasn't been as urgent for me as it used to be.

"Well that's good," she stated as I refilled her coffee mug for her. "Your mum was planning to call today."

"She was?" I spun around to face her, my interest boosting. I haven't spoken to my mother since she left here, and I was dying to speak with her once again to see how she was doing.

"Mhm," Gram nodded. "So keep a phone by you just in case."

"I will." I nodded excitedly, packing the rest of my things into my back pack and finishing off a peice of toast. I knew what was coming from my grandmother as I was getting ready to leave the home, but for the first time I didn't want to hear it. Before she could say her usual 'love you' to me, I rushed out the front door with a small goodbye wave and shut the door behind me.

I didn't want to hear those words at all. Even if it was just a casual gesture from the person who has basically taken care me of me my whole life, I just didn't want to hear them. I'm still pissed about everything to do with those words, because everytime I hear them I just think about what a coward I am. I just want to tell Brooke that I'm in love with her, but I feel like I'll never be able to. I had the right mindset and determination this weekend, but of course I chose the wrong time to have it. I'm glad I settled things with Brooke's father, but I would rather have him hate me as long as Brooke knows I love her.

...

I arrived to school with my hands in my pockets, somehow nervous for whats to come. I know Michael would be here, since he's always really early, and I feared having to talk to him. Yeah, I'm angry with him. Usually our fights are over lame stuff and they're forgotten 5 minutes later. But Saturday was just...weird. I'm tired of him talking shit about Brooke...and about me.