Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Forty Eight

"Are you going?" Jessie asked as I finally got up off the couch. I had been sitting on those rather lumpy cushions for hours, it felt like. It felt like so long that I just sat there crying my eyes out. Crying must be the result of reality for me at this point, since I've done that a lot in the past 48 hours. After Jessie pretty much enlightened me on accident, all I could really do was cry. Just cry, cry, cry, because that's my initial reaction to everything that fucking sucks. Everything fucking sucks right now, and I don't know what to do at this point.

"Mhm," I said quietly. My voice was so weak, even if I tried to yell the loudest I could ever yell, it would probably still sound like a whisper. I cleared my throat in attempts to get it back, but most of my voice's energy was used up last night and this morning. With all my screaming and sobbing and frustration, I was out of energy in every inch of my body.

"Where are you going?" Jessie seemed a little concerned, as she looked me up and down. I was holding onto her door handle, ready to get out of here, but I stopped and studied the look on her face.

"To Leila's," I replied. "I'm just...I'm gonna tell her I can't be her friend anymore."

"O-oh," she stuttered. The look in her eyes vanished and her shoulders slouched a little. "Yeah. That would be a good idea. She never really helped your situation."

"Yeah," I sighed. I wanted to laugh at that, but I was too tired. "Why do you ask?"

"Er, no reason," Jessie shrugged, ripping her gaze from mine. "I was just curious."

Unfortunately, I knew exactly why she wanted to know where I was going. I could just tell by the way she sounded and looked at me, that she was worried I was going to go to Ashton. While Jessie was in the process of finally helping me realize that I fucked everything up, all she was really doing was talking about herself. She wasn't even talking to me when she listed off all the things that I've done to him, because she's done those things as well. So now, I know what's been bothering her for so long, and she's scared I was going to tell him. But why would I tell him that Jessie basically hates herself for being such a bad friend to him? How could I do that? I can't even imagine myself ever speaking to Ashton again, so telling him about Jessie's secret guilt was the least of my thoughts at the moment.

"Okay." I said. I didn't want to tell her that I knew what was on her mind, because mentioning Ashotn into the open air was going to result in me crying again. Thinking about him makes my heart break and my hands sweat, but talking about him is going to be the death of me.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Jessie said, holding the door open for me. I stepped down onto her front porch and turned around as she kept talking. "It's been a long weekend, Brooke. I would go home right after Leila's and get some rest."

"Okay," I agreed. I shot her a little smile, just out of my gratitude. I was very thankful that she was able to listen to me and let me stay at her place. "Thanks for being there for me."

"You're welcome." Jessie smiled back. I didn't see what there was to smile about right now, but maybe the fact that we've become friends again was something to be a little relieved about. I just smiled to make this goodbye less awkward. Jessie finally shut the door, and I walked off her porch to get to my car.

I get it, this sucks really bad. Believe me, I get it. The punishment is absolutely terrible. Not only did I lose the person that I love more than anything in the world, but I also just had to come to the pathetic conclusion that it was my fault after it happened. Why couldn't I have relaized I was getting off the right track months ago, you might ask? I really wish I knew why, but I don't. If I could've just listened to the people around me who told me to stop falling downward, then things would be so much different than they are now. If I had just listened to Ashton and payed attention to the shit I was doing to him, then everything would be fne. Everything would be normal, and the way it should've always been.