Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Fifty Six

I would have never thought, when my parents first told me that I was going to spend the rest of my teenage years in Las Vegas, that it was ever going to turn out to be such a beautiful place. I mean - you think about Las Vegas, and what do you think about? The hotels, the people, the extreme weather during the summer...what else? The fact that the only thing you can apparently do is spend the night in a crumby casino, smoking cigarrette after cigarrette until you're still sitting there the next morning at 10:00 AM? I've come to realize that this place has a lot of character, if you really find a way to see it. And I feel like thats with every place you visit or move to; sometimes you just have to really look around to fully take in it's beauty.

And, that's what I ended up doing tonight. I went into these last few hours, thinking that it was going to be another lonely Saturday night where I lay in bed and do nothing...but for the most part, it was the complete opposite. Sure, I'm still alone at the moment, but I didn't just lay in my bed and do nothing. I finally tried to make things right, tonight, but I can only pray that something good comes out of it. I feel like this is the first thing I've put actual effort into in long time, and I just want it to be worth it.

I wrote a letter to Ashton, just about an hour and a half ago. Just about 90 minutes have passed, but it feels like a whole life time. I don't even know how I got myself to do it. I feel like I've been cooped up in my shell again for so long, but writing all that stuff down finally got some of the harsh feelings off my shoulders. And though I still feel like shit for all the things I did to him, some of the guilt has finally gone away. Some of it just vanished the very moment I placed the envelope at his doorstep and ran away, because I knew that Ashton would at least understand what it is I was trying to say. In the end, I was just trying to apologize, and that's all I can really do now; I wish I could've apologized to him in person, but I don't know how that would've worked out. Again, I'm terrified to talk to him, now that this shame has been eating away at me for weeks. But, I still wrote it all down and I still gave it to him, so I'll try to be proud of myself on that.

So...back to what I said a little earlier, about how I genuinely think this busy, crowded, drug-infused town has a lot of character? I really think it does, as I've been sat here for at least 45 minutes, taking in it's overall beauty with care. I can't remember the last time I was up here...I think it was the night that Ashton and my parents got in that huge argument...but maybe there was another time after that as well. See, there's this old and beat-up building outside of town, kind of isolated from everything else. There are a few other buildings and stores around it, but at this time of night no one else is ever here. Ashton told me that he and his best friend Michael found it one day like, freshman year, and that he comes here whenever he needs to think and be alone. It has the most perfect view of the city; it's absolutely beautiful, actually.

I know, its probably not a good idea to be sitting right on the ledge, but I couldn't stop myself from hopping up to sit and let my feet dangle beneath me when I got here. All I wanted to do when I left Ashton's place was clear my head. And I've been sitting on the edge of an abandoned building, for what's seemed like hours, looking at the lit-up city below that practically mirrored the beautiful sky above it. From here, you could see every place in Las Vegas. You could see every hotel, every neighborhood...even most cars that were driving along the freeways in the distance.

For a little while my mind was practically blank, but as my eyes panned over my view it began to think again.

I look to my right and I see my neighborhood, my school, and where people like Nick and Luke live. I don't want to think about Nick at all right now, so I'm gonna skip him and think about Luke for a moment. Luke is probably one of the nicest people I've ever met, if I really stop and think about it. Even from the start when I first met him at Nick's party he was sweet to me, and up until I started to disrespect him he was sweet to me, too. I look back on all the things Luke and I argued about, and I realize that all he really wanted was for everyone to get along. I wish I could've listened to him with all the times he talked to me. He even brought me to his house once, but all that ended in was a huge argument when all he wanted was for me to spend one night with Ashton. Luke is actually a really smart and generous guy; he's not the stereotypcal "rich boy" that we all once thought.