The Mystical Awards 2.0 July Reviews

Teen Fiction Pick Me

Book name: PICK ME

Genre: Teen Fiction

Contestant name: Reading_Mermaid08

Judge Name: MusicReader92

Cover: 0.8/1

It is a very pretty and fluid cover, but I'm not sure how the picture matches the title. I feel like the title and picture should mix together, whereas on your cover they feel separated to me. Also, why put all the stuff on the side? You should definitely feel good if you won a contest, and sure you should brag about it a little, but I feel like half of those stickers are unnecessary. They catch my attention more (which is probably what you want to happen), but it pulls away from the actual cover. Half of them are just participant stickers anyway, so they feel a little redundant to me. Maybe pick the best 1-3 awards you got to display, and then you can put the rest in the description.

Title: 0.8/1

The title matches the description well, she wants the love from one specific person, basically wants them to pick her. But, I feel like you could have made it a little more than that. Everyone seems to pick her, so the title doesn't quite pinpoint what I think you were trying. It should be closer to the fact that she feels alone, even as a popular. She wants them, but can't get it. Just think about that a little bit.

Description: 0.9/1

The description is very detailed (as it should be), so good job there. But, the main description is pretty much one run-on sentence, so be sure to break it up more. Also, work on word-choice. It sounds a little too prissy-snobby in the first sentence for me. The idea seems like a twist on the cliche populars to me, so I'm looking forward to getting into it.

Beginning: 1.8/2

The first thing I notice when reading your story is the paragraph breaks. I think you have too many breaks in your writing. Keep like topics together, so it flows a little bit smoother. But, when you do that, make sure the paragraphs don't get too long. Right now, I just feel like the paragraph (and sometimes sentence) flow is a little choppy, so add some more transitions in as well to help with the flow. Also, be careful that you are mixing up what word your sentences start with. You don't want two sentences in a row to start with "He," find a different way to start it. Whenever I run into that problem, I just mix up the order of the sentence, or put a verb in. Here's a simple example; Sighing, he walked away. Right of the bat, your grammar is really good, so I applaud you for that. You also are very detailed in your writing, which helps the readers set the picture and understand the context more, so good job there. The writing also matches the character, which is good because you are writing from her (and his) point of view. A few times you repeat the same thing multiple times, so just make sure to re-read your work before you press publish. I actually really like the plot, although it does seem a little bit cliche with the rich girl thing. But, I think it has a nice turn, she is focused on her education, doesn't care about boys, and doesn't worry about friends or being popular. And I really like how you portrayed the mysterious boy she bumped into, very real like. Overall, really good job! (I will definitely read the whole book after judging is done!)

Total: 4.3/5