Khwaishein.. A Sharman story

Chapter 55 Tujse Naaraz nhe zindagi heiraan hu ..

The warmth Huma intended to convey her left her own hand . Her palm became sweaty and cold .

The textbook definitions of sorrow she had learned by heart where all contradicted .

Suman was not depressed or graving over her loss . What she could see was a person who accepted her past and moved out of it , or was still trying .

" What kind of person won't love you ?" Came out her agressive question , before She could stop it . Suman laughed at the anger she was directing at someone she never met .

"I'm lovable ain't I ?"

"Damn you are" she declared . " You know what you shouldn't be like that .. what kind of person you are"

" the one who stays . Who hears but ignores . The one who won't make you run after. All the bad combination altogether ." Wasn't she ? " But when I was with shravan , i automatically become childish and demanding . To boost all , he would bend for me . He made me feel loved , needed and visible . He used to shout for me for every other thing . The once organised man suddenly become disorganised around me . I loved helping him with cuffs and ties . He never disagreed with my choice of colour for his shirt or socks . This might sound wierd , that I liked doing things like that . But that's what love makes you do .

He owned me And I let him. "

Suman smiled affectionately at Huma's thoughtful face ....

" And what if you are wrong Suman? What if he actually loves you for real  , and you didn't realise it ? "

" Even if you are right , what I did is not wrong ... I would never want him to feel responsible for my fate .... I would rather die instead of abortion ... He would have never let me continue with it ...."

'' how can you just leave everything Suman? ..   you gave up on everyone , like that?..."

Suman clenched her jaws , when she snapped her head up at her friend ...

"you have no idea.   
I have battled all my life , for win or not , I have always fought my way out , so don't say I gave up too soon .. 

And for the latter ... You could only imagine  it for me . 

I used to feel his breath on the back of my neck , the first thing in  morning .. and now every single day , when I wake up only to realise that I can never have it again, it stabs me right on my heart...

Do you really think I want to die? , do you?" .

Flashback

Suman rolled her eyes when he winked at her sitting in the middle of his family. She and Preeti where in the kitchen preparing tea and snacks while the men where engrossed in some deep conversation .

She poured the hot tea through a seave into a kettle , and arranged the sugar pot and cups on a tray . When she looked up next time , shravan was not there  . Preeti was already on her way carrying the snack plates to hall . 

She was about to put the kitchen cloth back when , she saw Kamal Kaka waking out like he was been called by mother nature .

She frowned . Her confusion cleared with a tingling bite on her shoulder followed by a pepping kisses up her ear .

"You shameless , .. " she slapped his hand away from her hip . " Now it make sense why Kaka rushed out like that " she glared at him while her just shrugged , quickly kissing her cheek .

" Thank God , atleast somebody here know my feelings better .." he sighed dramatically  ...

" They are traumatized by your stunts ... He caught us last time , you shameless shameless idiot ..."

Their helpers didn't trust them anymore when Shravan Malhotra enters the kitchen . He wouldn't even bother to make any excuse , barging straight away to his wife with not so public friendly intentions . Kamal Kaka and other helpers figured it out in an embarrassing way , so now they would drop anything they are doing and disappear out of that place .

" You can't blame me ... I didn't see you for so long ... And I'm tired .. and  'hungry' you know ... " He rubbed his nose suggestively on her neck  ...

Suman's face turned all red and jumped back when she heard footsteps with, unmistakable voice ...

" Bahuuuuu... Chai nhe bana----- he Bhagwan" Pushkar gasped loudly , seeming to taken aback by the scenario ...  The brat was actually there to catch them goofing up , and he got what he asked for.  

" Since when did she became your bahu?" Shravan snored pulling away from her .

" She is bahu in general . Is ghar ki bahu he bhai ..." He replied stomping towards them ...

"And what did you do to her ... " Pushkar grabbed her face for close examination . " My my , did he steame your face over this tea pot?'' he asked seeing her face visible crimson .." dear god, what a harassing husband you are ... He pointed a finger at shravan ...

" Don't worry sumo , I'm still alive .. let's get you out of here---"

"Pushkar I was wondering if I invite Neetu over dinner ... She is in town ... Since she was very close--"

"Fine brother" Pushkar hissed in horror .

"Sumo darling , since unfortunately you are his wife , it's ok if he steams your face once in a while .. it's good for skin ..." Pushkar smiled sheepishly before walking out ..

Suman giggled " now who is Neetu? "

"Some lady who had a crush on him .. it didn't go well when he called her aunty since she was older ..." He took the tray from her hand .." let me carry it for you ma'am"  and her rounded his other hand around her walking her out ...

Suman knew very well , he wasn't there to steal kisses as usual . He just wanted to check on her healing leg , and didn't want her to carry anything heavy ...

" Seriously?  __ I'll never be able to meet my child , I'll never be able to watch him grow , I'll never be able to see who he resembles more , me or his father ! ... And people think I'm suicidal ... 

I want to live Huma !

Shravan might be my everything , my life , but I would have lived knowing he is happy somewhere ... I can do anything in my power to stay alive for my child ... But I'm a mother ... I have to make sure my baby won't be alone if I'm not there ... And that's what I did ...  "

"Suman ---" Huma tailed off clenching her eyes...

" I'm no Saint, Huma ... It's heart-wrenching to live down knowing I might never be able to see him again ..  oh I wish , I wish , for one last time I could see him .... But at the same time , I don't , if he had moved on already with someone ... I would rather die believing my best friend once loved me than watching my husband hold someone else's hand even if she is a million times better than me , which she is .

I'm tired . I'm done fighting for every other thing , finding ways to make people stay ... I want to care less ...

I might miss a million things , from the book I wanted to read to places I wanted to go atleast for once but , right now staying here , on this bed , Is what I want . I'm tired, and I want to rest ...  I want to stop running like , a dog running behind random cars on the street , aimlessly ...

So  If you think Suman wants to die , then be it . But know two thing ... I'm learning to let go of things that gives me pain ...  And god knows , if only I had my health and heart right , no woman had it in her to touch my husband  .

The only thing I get here is getting to walk away knowing I did right this time to choose myself before anyone."
She turned her face away with raging breath .

The door knob that shravan was held was now barely attached to the poor door . Through the blue glass window on the door and the hair line gap on the side of it , he had heard and seen the rage and defeat boiling in her words .  Other women his foot , he had never for once had his eyes on any  women than the one right infront of his eyes.   . Only if he could break into the room and shake her senseless .

He gripped the knob to retrain himself from banging it .