Reviews [CLOSED]

Majesty

Reviewed by: FindingChi

Author: booklover4lifes

Cover: 9/10.

Your current cover is bomb and I love it! Personally, I like the vintage feel it gives off. The small text is too small to read, though. I don’t know if that was your intention, but I wish I could read it. After all, if it’s not important, why should it be there, right?

Story description: 6/10.

This relates to the interest of your story. If I was someone who saw your story by chance and read the description, it wouldn’t interest me enough to actually read the book. Although the description makes sense logically in relation to your story, it could’ve been worded better to be more appealing. It felt like an essay and it was a bit long, and that has to do with the way it was organized. I’d suggest adding spaces in between paragraphs, adding more things to pop at those reading, and keeping things more short and sweet. Check over it for typos.

Interest: 4/10.

If I saw this at my local library, I’d probably put it back down unless a good friend recommended it to me and told me a bit about it beforehand. The cover isn’t everything.

Creativity: 7/10 and Plot: 7/10.

I’ve never read anything like this before and it was unique. However, it could’ve been conveyed better. I’ll talk more about that part on your writing style.

Grammar: 6/10.

I was stuck between rating it a six or a seven. Your mistakes were getting more common as I read on, but they were the same ones each time, which is why I almost gave you a seven. You need to change some commas into periods in dialogue, fix your capitalization after quotes (make sure it’s only capitalized if the dialogue has ended, lowercase if it’s a dialogue tag or describing their speech, etc), and correct a few misspelled words or words you skipped all together. I could still understand and read your story, but it can be a turn off.

Characters: 8/10.

Each chapter has a distinct mood according to the character whenever I read their stories. I’ll talk about a few.

When I was reading the prologue, I could feel the pain Percy felt about his children, yet it was harder for me to feel it with Sonna. Maybe it was the way you described them; Percy was more hesitant and shaky while she did things without a second thought, but that’s just how she acted after childbirth. Percy seemed more human, and I think that’s how you wanted it to be, right? Sonna being strong for them and cold in order to protect her kids at all costs, regardless of her not wanting to let them go. Nice job.

I love how you portray Ella Lim. We can’t call her a good guy, but she isn’t all that ‘bad,’ either. Although her actions can be ethically wrong, I can’t bring myself to hate her since her actions make sense logically. It’s confusing, and I like that.

Eva. She’s obviously not happy with how her life is. It made me a little sad how much she has to rely on those cigarettes to keep her feeling sane and normal. She just wanted some glint of hope that things can still get better, but each time, Emma managed to destroy it. It’s interesting how regardless of that, she can’t help but look up to Emma. It’s toxic, but she’s used to it.

And oh, sweet, sweet Lena. She just a girl who wants to find her light and make a future for herself. I like the sisterly relationship between her and Eva, who just wants to protect her.

Writing style: 6/10.

Okay. Was I being too picky?

Your style in general was hard for me to talk about because I DO like your writing style, but the way you wrote things at times just weren’t clear and could’ve been phrased better.

I feel like you added too much information in all the wrong places. For example, talking about how often the Queen bit her lip in the prologue was a bit unnecessary and didn’t add to the plot. You wrote about and described the unconscious mafia member more in chapter one more than you ever did Eva, a main character. You don’t give a lot of detail on the surroundings or the situations of the characters and things are more focused on dialogue. Because of this, I found myself guessing and filling in the gaps at the end of chapter two, one of the most important scenes. How are we supposed to know what’s going on clearly?

I’m confused at the time period these stories are set in. I know there was a time jump after the prologue, but it’s still confusing to me. They have cell phones and laptops, yet there are queens and kings that rule nations. It may be your intention, but readers need more clarification. I used to see Eva’s story as contemporary and Cleo’s as something set in older times, but then she had a camera crew record things that were broadcasted throughout the whole nation. I was so surprised!

A few questions remained for me. Are the Lim girls related, or is that just a group name for them? Why was Eva so mean to Komi when she tried giving her a gift? At the end of the prologue, all we know is that Percy and the Queen closed their eyes, which inferred that they were dying(?). How’d they get there and what was happening? I know you’ll probably add some background later, but it would’ve made things less confusing and abrupt if more context was given.

Overall Rating: 6.8/10.

I can see the vision you have in your head; you just need to convey it to us better. This story is really going somewhere, and a few tweaks will bring it closer to its full potential. It’s easy to see you enjoy writing it, and that’s a very important part in writing a story. Keep on going, you’re really onto something!