Reviews [CLOSED]

Six Sisters of Nicophilia

Reviewed by: Chxcx-Mellxw-Puff

Author: SympathyWolf

Cover: 8/10

It's really nice and very wattpad but it doesn't really draw my attention. I don't really know why but it took sometime to see the girl on the cover but whatever.

Description/Summary: 7/10

It tells you lots but at the same time it tell you nothing, you know what I mean? No, Okay. I feel like you should definitely make it long and (I sound mean) make it sound more interesting.

Chapter Review: 6/10 (I feel mean!)

I am personally not a fan of first person and I've found it really confusing in this story. I suggest keeping it to only one girl or making third person. I also found it too descriptive in some parts but not in some, like I want to know what the market square look like, not that one sister has a mole on her chin.

As well with third person you can describe the scenery easier, here's a example from something I've been working on;

The sky was lined with orange as the large sun rose. A cold glass of pumpkin juice left discarded on the ground by the old garden chair. The grass glistened under the soft sun light, the clouds covering most of it. The crickets chirped and the bats flew over head to get to their homes. Birds quickly came out, showing their existence, chirping.

Lia stood, discarding her drink, and walk through the small garden that lead to the large area of tree that laid over yonder. What lived in those trees were unimaginable. Colourful flowers had started to bloom out of the enormous patches of weeds and pebbles plotted in small areas all over the area.

Fireflies flew around Lia, brightening her light blue eyes, lightening the cold, summer morning. Her feet made a light squish sound as her shoes walked on the wet grass. She picked up her wet glass and opened the front door to the dirty mustard coloured shack. The fly-screen door slamming shut after her.

See how much more imagery we get with third person?

I feel like Your telling us the wrong information at the wrong time.

See that's just telling us. Something you can do with information like that is either let us figure it out with clues or seep it into conversations slowly.

Your spelling and punctuation is pretty great but you really need to put full stops or commas at the end if your dialogue.

Activity Of The Writer: 9/10

You reply a lot to the comments left on your book and you don't mind a good laugh, unlike some authors.

Plot: 8/10

The plot is actually really different and interesting but it's written so strangely that it really puts a damper on the whole idea.

Anything else:

Okay, Names. Names are the most important thing in writing, do you think Harry Potter would be as popular if it was called 'Barnaby Hecklestone and the rock of life'?

I feel like you really need to either change names or give them all similar names Nora and Asmi aren't even in the same continent.

Overall Advice:

You've really got a good idea here but you need to pull your head in and figure some thing out. (I feel like a total b*tch right now!)