HIS: Angel (Hoseok) | {Book 5} ✔️

(XXI)

Do you remember this in another book...?

Also yes, it's not over. It'll end at XL.
😇

I couldn't eat.

I couldn't sleep. It was beyond insomnia, I was like a vampire unable to sleep nor even close my eyes.

I couldn't find release, anywhere.

I was tortured every day and night, my thoughts in chaos, just as my heart and soul.

I was lonely, and I had no right to even love. I wanted to end it, to stop it but I couldn't.

I was not brave enough to stop loving her.

I was not brave enough to stop searching for her.

😇

Hard, I stroked it gently at first before gripping firmly around the circumference. The lube helped as I closed my eyes shut, tightly in order not slow a single glint of light to enter past the lids.

It was dark, but the lights from the outside, the lights in the hallway and the more surrounded me. And closing my eyes allowed me to feel things more, and to think about her luscious mouth.

The alcohol brought a haze in my mind and allowed a cloud to easily take me as my my mind conjured the image of her delightful forbidden fruits.

I went back to the time she had held it in her hand. I went back to that moment when she had been breathing softly on the skin as I twitched under her touch.

I could not stop my fingers anymore, it had become a need to do this—for me.

I came at the thought of her screaming my name.

The zenith lasted and lingered within me, but...sooner or later I was returned to that state of despair.

😇

Everyday I sinned.

Thinking of her, dreaming of her, wishing for her, I wondered how much lower I could go. Still, it was hard to ignore it. The temptations was too strong, too great, my desire rampant inside of me as I spent each day and night only filled with the illusions of Angel. 

I was lying to myself and despite knowing that I kept lying. Telling myself it'll be better, telling myself that time will ease it. I knew though, that was all a lie.

It was getting worse. Everyday, I felt like I was losing myself...

To stop thinking of her, I had to think about her. The contradiction within itself was cruel.

😇

Jungkook was skipping as he entered my office. He was chuckling and giggling as he sang his lover's name. He looked like a fool but it was a beautiful melody.

When he saw me, he gave me the biggest smile. I wished I could smile back, lately it's been hard to even fake smile. He followed me out, as we had another meeting, but this one more personal.

"Hyung, I want to get married! Did you hear Yoongi Hyung's wife is preggo. Like there's a baby in her stomach!" He sounded like a child so excited. I don't know why and how he could walk without looking. "Wow! A baby!"

I had heard. And had immediately been jealous. So much happiness that I felt for him, but there was also so much envy. It was a simple dream yet it seemed to be the hardest and most difficult to achieve.

Why was life so hard? 

I had been so happy, but I had shed a few tears for the loss I felt for having no one to share a dream with. I had no one who was willing to be with me.

"Jungkook," I smiled. I closed my eyes and called out to him but for some reasons my vision was only dark and clouded. I blinked several times to get rid of the darkness but it only remained.

I stopped feeling anything but I could hear. I felt my toes, finger and legs but my body seemed to rebel against me.

"Hyung! Hyung!" I heard screaming, frantic. It could have only been Jungkook.

Why?

"Call the damn ambulance!"

And I had no more memories.

I wonder who had gotten hurt?

I hope it wasn't Angel.