Time; Yoonmin

Chapter Thirty Three

I don't go to rehearsal. Instead, I agree to meet Jonghyung with Yoongi. I need to hear from both sides. I need to have this fully resolved. I also...don't know what I'm going to do about our marriage.
     I can't say I don't understand Jonghyung's point of view. I do. I've struggled for a long time about the fact that I won't be here with Yoongi forever. That...I'll be leaving him behind and taking away his happiness.
     He actually acted upon his thoughts, though, and allowed Yoongi to be with me which is more than I could do. I'm selfish. Perhaps more selfish than the both of them. Can I really not forgive them? It would make me a hypocrite.
      I'm angry and I'm going to be angry but...I can't hold this grudge forever. It wouldn't be right.

So now I'm sitting in a booth beside Yoongi with Jonghyung on the other side. I study him and realize...he looks awful. I mean, he's very attractive. He's always been beautiful which is why I've worried about their relationship but he looks sick. Pale and shrunken. Goosebumps are raised on his skin as he huddles into his sweater in the heated restaurant.
His eyes continuously flicker between us and he looks sad but he still smiles. "Hello, Jimin."
I don't think I've ever actually talked to him. Never once. His voice is shaky and quiet. All my anger bleeds out. How can I hate him the same as I always have? It's not fair. "Hello."
Yoongi squeezes my hand under the table. I don't pull away. I want to cry but I don't know if it's for myself or for the pitiful broken man hurting across from me. I took his happiness away. I selfishly already knew he was meant to be with Yoongi but I still ignored that and claimed him as my own.
I hate myself.
He coughs a little. "Wow...you look amazing. I haven't seen you in years but you don't seem to ever change or age. Yoongi has done well for himself." He chuckles.
I look down, a pit growing in my stomach. Did I mention I hate myself? "Thanks."
Yoongi clears his throat. "I told him everything."
Jonghyung nods, chuckling. "I didn't think you ever would."
I glance between them as they share a look. Jonghyung smiling while Yoongi just looks sad. His hand tightens in mine. This is really hard on him.
"I c-can't keep doing this. I want to be there for Jimin full heartedly. I care deeply for you, Jongie, but this isn't healthy for either of us. You've always known how I've felt."
He nods, dropping his gaze. I feel like I shouldn't be here, that I'm intruding. A realization comes to me as they chat. Yoongi is going to lose both of us at the same time. I don't know if they survive the accident but I bet anything that Jonghyung doesn't. He already looks so weak.
Yoongi has tried so hard most of his life to please us only to end up losing the both is us in the end. God, I selfishly thought my life was a cosmic joke.
This truly isn't fair. I've only thought about my happiness here...but what about his? I should have given him a child. Someone for him to care for when I'm gone.
The urge to cry gets stronger. It takes me a long time to realize that Yoongi is talking to me. He kisses my cheek.
Clearing my throat, I meet his worried gaze. "W-what?"
"Are you ready to go? He's tired and I don't want to make him stay out too long. Is there anything...you need to ask or say?" He whispers in my ear.
I look over at Jonghyung. "N-no. No, I think I'm ready to go." I mumble.
We all stand and I grasp Jonghyung's arm. "I'm sorry." I whisper.
      He smiles. "I'm happy for you, Jimin. Just please just...make him happy, too? Please, for me? You are all he's ever wanted." He admits.
      I can no longer blink back the tears as he hugs me. "I'm sorry I'm so selfish."
      He chuckles, kissing my cheek. "We're all a little selfish. I should have let him go completely. Please forgive me for being weak."
      I shake my head holding back my sobs. "No. I'm not mad anymore. It's okay." And it is. There is no way I can hate them now. I'm the issue, always have been.
      I watch as Yoongi hugs Jonghyung and helps him out of the restaurant. I chew on my bottom lip and go to stand by the car as they talk and Yoongi kisses his cheek before helping him into his own car.
     "Is he okay to drive?" I ask quietly as he comes back.
      He takes a deep breath. "He's a grown up. I'm sure he will manage."
      I reach out and clasp our hands as he drives us home. Once inside, I pull him into my arms as he finally releases all he's been holding in—probably for years. His entire body shakes as he cries on my shoulder. "I love you, Min."
     He shudders, holding my waist tightly. "I love you, too...Park."
      I cup his face and kiss him. "It's Min. Call me, Min." I whisper against his lips.
     He groans as I deepen the kiss. He lifts me into his arms and slowly carries me to the bedroom. I know how much he needs this, needs me now. If he needs to bury his worries and pain within my body then I will give him that. I will take it all from him. I won't be selfish anymore.
      Our lips brush constantly as we tug hurriedly at each other's clothes. He refuses to let go of me for a second as he trails his lips down my chin to my throat, his hands clenching my thighs as I wrap them around bis hips.
"God..." I whimper. "Love me. Show me how much you love me, Yoongi." I beg.
Groaning, he nods and takes my lips intensely as he quickly prepares me before sinking fully into my overheated body. "Fuck...you're my everything, Jimin. You're all I have." He hovers over me, slowly working his hips, bringing both us exquisite pleasure. His eyes burn into mine. "Please, fuck, don't leave me." He whispers, tangling his tongue with my own.
     As he makes love to me with everything he has, I clench my eyes closed tightly to hold in my tears. I wish I could...but I can't.
     So I'll just hold on to him as tightly as I can until it's over. "Never let me go." I gasp, cumming as he cries out his own release. Our fingers locked tightly as our bodies are tangled together in the aftermath of our frenzied passion.
       I curl my body around his, giving him as much comfort as I can as he silently cries away from me. Not wanting me to see his true pain that he's been holding in for so long, unable to confidently confide in me.
     This is good, though. It means that nothing else will be holding us back...no more secrets or regrets for as long as we still have together.
     "I love you, Min." I whisper.
     "Love you, too, beautiful." He kisses my fingers. "Thank you...for staying with me."