The choices we make [Completed]

Chapter 37 - Like Father Like Son

Chapter 37 - Like Father Like Son

Patrick was still trying to wrap his head around the new information he was hearing, and he could see his sister going through the same thing, when their mom calmed down and continued with her story.

"Let me start from the beginning, hopefully it will help you see things from my perspective - and your father's. You know, since I was young, I have never really pictured myself as a wife and mother. I dreamt of being a traveling artist. A nomad, always in motion, never staying in one place for long."

She smiled wistfully as she recalled her childhood dreams, and Patrick could see how much she longed for the life she described.

"But my parents pressured me into marriage because of your father. Because he was a good catch and he can give me a great life, and to top it all - he truly loved me. He pursued me for more than a year, quite long even for our standards back then. But I always refused him because I could not bear to give up my freedom... until my parents stepped in."

"You have to understand - times were different then. Young women of my time did not have as much freedom to choose their paths as they do now. I let myself be pressured by my family and friends, and tried to convince myself that I'll be happy with Eric. After all, he can buy me whatever I want, right?"

Tears formed in her eyes and Paula hugged her softly in comfort.

"I was wrong. Everybody was wrong. I was miserable from the day I stepped foot in your father's mansion. I felt like I lost my freedom and my identity, especially with the way the papparazzi hounded my every move. They were fascinated with our story, you see, the country girl that captured the heart of one of the country's most eligible bachelors."

A rueful smile stretched over their mother's beautiful face as she recalled her past.

"I was their modern day Cinderella. And people were either putting me on a pedestal and trying to copy what I do, or criticizing every little thing because I don't look like I deserve to be with someone like your father. I hated it. I hated that life."

"Your father tried his best to ease me into his world. He tried to protect me, he even had lawsuits filed against the more cruel articles that came up about me. But he could only do so much, and he was always busy building his empire that I was mostly left alone."

She sighed and looked at Patrick, her features softening as she gazed at her son.

"Then I had you. For a while I thought I would be able to survive in his world, because I had you. I knew that you would always be on my side no matter what, and you made me happy every day. You were an adorable child, you know."

She turned to Paula and smiled.

"You came a few months later, and I thought my life was complete. But I didn't expect how overwhelming it was to care for two young ones. After a while I started to question my ability to raise both of you, and shamefully - I started to doubt my desire to be a mother."

Her eyes were trained on the floor, refusing to look at her children as she made this admission.

Patrick reached out and squeezed her hand. Everything he was hearing was news to him, but he could see how difficult it was for their mother to reveal these to them and he didn't want to make her feel any more worse.

She smiled at them gratefully through her tears, willing them to understand her story.

"Please don't think I didn't love you both. I truly did. I do. Much more than life itself. But there was so much going on around me and I couldn't deal with it. I looked for an outlet... It started with a glass of wine at night, just to relax, I told myself. Then before I knew it, I was finishing whole bottles. Then eventually I was also drinking even during the day."

"Your father had been trying to get me to seek professional help but I kept refusing. I didn't want to admit I had a problem until the day of the accident," she paused then pointd at Patrick's feet.

He didn't understand what she meant at first until he remembered the long gash on his right foot.

"You were 8 when it happened. I was hung over and a bit dizzy when you came to the bedroom wanting a cuddle. I was reaching out to you but I tipped off the bottle on the side table and it smashed on the floor near your feet. There was so much bleeding, I was so scared for you."

"After that I let your father find a psychiatrist for me and I went to our sessions regularly. I wanted to be a better person - a better mother to both of you, and a better wife to your father. Because you all deserved better than what I was giving you. And for a while, it worked. I was happier as I watched both of you grow up, and I could see it made your father happy that I stayed."

"But when you started living your own lives with your friends and I was left by myself more and more, I felt the darkness starting to come back and I panicked. I begged your father to let me go but he refused again and again, making me feel more desperate every time. I guess you could hear our arguments even outside the bedroom, I'm really sorry about that."

At last, they knew what all those fights were all about. Patrick glanced at his sister, and she had the same awestruck look on her face that he guessed must also be in his.

It was like they just discovered that they were living in a parallel universe and everything they thought they knew were actually false.

"Are you saying that it was never about all those women the papers said he had dated? He wasn't cheating on you?" Paula blurted out.

Their mother shook her head and smiled sadly, tears glistening in her eyes.

"I'm pretty sure he was loyal to me while we were still married. All those rumors that the gossip columns ran on him were just that - rumors. I never doubted for once that your father loved me. I only felt sorry for him, for making the mistake of falling for someone so weak like me."

"No... Don't be sorry. I'm happy with my choice," a gruff voice interrupted.

Patrick turned around and saw his father now awake and listening to his mother's confession.

"And I'm still loyal to you. Those rumors are - as always - just rumors," he grinned and Patrick could see a hint of the boyish charm that the media always talked about.

He had never closely observed his father, Patrick realized, always dismissing him as the antagonist in their family. Knowing what he knew now, he saw things in a different light.

The way his father always intently gazed at his mother like she was the source of light in his world. How his normally steely gaze softened whenever he looked at her.

Damn. His father was still very much in love with his mother! It must have hurt him so much to let her go when he did, and to stay away for as long as he had. No wonder he finally collapsed. Patrick was only amazed it didn't happen sooner.

He also now recognized that pain that shadowed his father's eyes. Because he saw that himself every time he looked in the mirror. It was the same pain he had to deal with everyday since Olena left.

And Patrick finally understood how much he was like his father. They are both capable of loving only one woman for the rest of their lives - and both doomed to loneliness because that one woman did not love them back.