just a dream (camren)

forty

can't wait for the response to this one lmao it's gonna be fun

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June 8th, 2017

"How does it feel to be a high school graduate?"

"Well, considering I already am one, I don't feel much differently," Lauren says, but seems to reconsider this, "Then again, a part of me is like... immensely proud and happy, since I've never graduated from an actual school. So maybe I do feel a little differently."

Camila bites back her smile, knowing the proud part is her Lauren. She's trying to focus on her Lauren, because annoyingly, the other Lauren had been chipping away at the defences Camila had put up.

(Camila blames it on how much she's forgetting.)

"Well, I'm proud of you," Camila answers, squeezing her hand. "And because I'm so proud of you for getting through school... I have a surprise for you tonight."

Lauren blinks in surprise. "You do?"

"Mhm," Camila smirks a little, because she knows she wants to do this. Not just because she likes sharing herself with her Lauren, but because it could be her salvation. It's a significant event, and it could stop her from forgetting.

Because if she's being honest, she doesn't really remember anything. She strains as much as she can, trying to bring up something, but all she really knows is that she's not where she's supposed to be. She's from some band, whatever the name was, and so is Lauren. Or, at least, a part of Lauren. Sometimes Lauren reminds her of things, but the memories always fade after a few moments. She knows there's nothing she can do about it. She knows it's most likely an inevitability.

Lauren squeezes her hand. "Are you sure you want to do that with me? You said I was still on probation."

Camila sighs to herself. The other Lauren is. But her Lauren isn't. And she doesn't know if she'll get another chance to share herself with Lauren again before she loses herself.

"Yeah." She finally answers, running a thumb over the back of Lauren's knuckles. "I want to do that with you."

Lauren beams, and Camila feels a little guilty, knowing that she's only doing it for her Lauren. But Lauren pulls her in for a kiss, holding her close. "I'm really happy that you trust me enough to want to share that with me."

Camila shrugs it off. "It's not like we haven't done it before."

"I know, but that was when I didn't remember anything," Lauren is quick to point out, squeezing her hand. "You still want to do that, even though it's me, and it's just... a far cry from what things were like when I first remembered. I'm really grateful that you were kind enough to give me a chance after everything."

The guilt in her stomach multiplies, and Camila sighs, hating all of the resentment she has towards Lauren. She doesn't even know why there's all of this anger in the pit of her stomach, why there's a suspicion that Lauren will suddenly start taking advantage of her, but she feels immensely guilty about it.

"Well, I mean, it's always been you. That's what you told me," Camila gets out, and Lauren smiles at her. "You just didn't remember."

"You finally believe me," Lauren says, smiling brightly. "I'm so glad. I really wanted to earn your trust back, and I promise I'll never do anything to break it. I know I messed up before, but I promise, I'm doing everything I can to treat you right."

If anything, that makes Camila feel worse. She forces a smile and looks over at her girlfriend, in her graduation cap and gown, and she's hit again with the realisation that Lauren won't be here for Camila's senior year. She'll be halfway across the country.