a girl drenched in emotional scars and a rapper tangled by toxic demons are forced to face their legal issues together. Little did they know of the sparks they'd electrify within each other.
warning: profanity/drugs/death referrences
highest rank: #...
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|LIL UZI VERT|
As flecks of snow melted on my head, I stared at her. The girl who crushed my heart with her palms. The girl who I never knew would come back.
Brittany.
She sounded so sure of herself when she left. I had thought she had already moved on despite the fact she never gave me a chance to explain myself.
I used to think she would never leave in the first place. So when she broke me, gave up on us, I pushed myself to move away and on. On to new feelings. Like Jasmine.
“I thought you were spending the holidays with your new boyfriend. Everyone buzzing about y'all online” I said blandly, refusing to meet her gaze.
“Uzi, look at me,” I reluctantly looked at her, “I don't care what they say.”
“Uh-huh.” I had so much to say and so much to scream but, as I parted my lips, the words got clogged in my throat.
I feel nothing. What happened?
“I'm in love with you.” She said with our eyes locked and the space between us thinning.
Still, those words didn't move me the same they used to. Those words had simply fell pass my ears and slipped to the ground. I looked away once more, my hands folded over my chest.
“Sure.” I grumbled.
“I'm sorry for what happened with that other guy. I said we needed a break. I was only trying to get you jealous--look at me, Uzi!”
By then, tears were streaming down her cheeks. She was breaking, the same way I had a few weeks ago. Yet, I was unmoved. It dawned on me that there was no going back to us. We had truely ended.
But, that didn't stop strong emotions from the past boiling up between my ripcage. It didn't stop the hatred from spilling over and resulting in my explosion.
“Now you want me?!” I snapped. I had, had enough of the games we played.
The monster in me had came out of tye closet and sprinted outwards.
“That was our fucking third break up. I'm numb. I'm fucking numb with you. You broke me too much. So, I forced myself to hate you. Now, I have--- have someone else on my mind,” I softend my voice, “We're not a game---”
“I was never trying to play you. You can't blame all of this on me! You're the one who cheated.”
“That-Was-Last-Year. You can't use my cheating an excuse for everything. If you're so torn over my past mistake then you should leave and never return.” I spat the venom I had longed to poison her with.
A stream of tears kept going down her cheeks. I didn't care. I didn't care if she cried the way she was. I didn't care if she was a mess and was stuck in a lump of pain. She was the one to leave. She was always the one to leave me in a lump.
She was crying so hard, hiccups escaped her mouth. Redness was coating her skin, her face scrunched up in pain. Brittany looked like disaster on the outside as much as I was on the inside.
Still, I could have cared less. I didn't care if she cried all the tears in the world. I had ached rivers of pain she could never sob out.
At that point, I didn't care about anything or anyone else. All I knew was that I had to get away. From this mess that was inside of me. This wave of emotions that hid behind my eyelids threatening to become tears. This feeling in my kneecaps that dared to bring me to the ground. I had to fix it. With Xanax.
“I gotta go, Brittany.”
“What the hell about us? You know you love me!”
While walking to my car, I turned to her with a cold glare, “Not anymore.”
I jumped into my car, quickly starting the engine and driving off without a second thought.
I had still loved her but, I forced myself to think otherwise. I made myself numb like xans. But like xans, the numbness would eventually die out. Then, I wouls feel everything even more.
I drove to my recording studio, no-one was there. No one was there to judge me and my reckless actions. So I pulled out my xanax bottle.
One xan. Two xans. Three xans. Four xans. Five xans. Still awake, pain coming back again. Need help---
Before I knew it, the sunrise was meeting the before dark skies and I still was hurting. I still was a disaster.
Next day: Nine xans. Ten xans. Eyes bloody red. I don't even know the time anymore. 11.
I can't stop because if I do I wouldn't know how to feel. 12.
Was Brittany making me do this? Was she making me collapse like this?
Everything around me began to to spin. My thoughts had become unclear, mt sight was blurry, my heart rate had sky rocketed. My body numbed out until I couldn't even my own feet press against the ground.
Am I even on Earth anymore?
I didn't want to land. Back on planet Earth. I didn't like it there. So, I’d just let the music and words and pills take me somewhere far, far away.
Somewhere emotions did not exist.
Ｕｎｔｉｌ ｎｅｘｔ ｔｉｍｅ, Ｔｈｅ ｅｎｄ.
Ｔｈｉｓ ｓｈｏｕｌｄ ｂｅ ｉｌｌｅｇａｌ
gυyѕ, υzι ιѕ ѕcrewιng υp agaιn. 🤧
deѕpιтe тнe ғacт υzι тooĸ a мaѕѕιve aмoυnт oғ хanaх, нe ѕнoυld ѕтιll вe "ғιne". хanaх addιcтѕ can pop υp тo 20-30 pιllѕ ιn a day wιтнoυт "overdoѕιng."
