a girl drenched in emotional scars and a rapper tangled by toxic demons are forced to face their legal issues together. Little did they know of the sparks they'd electrify within each other.
warning: profanity/drugs/death referrences
highest rank: #...
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|JASMINE SANDERS|
When I saw Uzi appear, as the elevator door opened, something in me was satisfied. I wanted him to be there. I thought after he cheated, he would just vanish on me. Like most people in my life. But, I couldn't forget the throbbing pain in my chest. The heart he broke.
So when I said,"JUST GET AWAY FROM ME, I HATE YOU!" I didn't mean it.
I wanted him there. I wanted him in my arms but at the same time, bleeding on the ground with a sword plunged in his chest. I wanted to see his smile but at the same time his desperate pleads for forgiveness.
I just wanted him to feel what I was feeling.
If he can break me, why can't I break him?
The look on his face. I had never seen it before. It was as if he lost everything. His eyes that turned black and became empty, searched my face. He tried to lock my eyes with his, I wouldn't allow it. If he did, he would see right through my exterior.
I think he gave up then. I had told him a million times that I loved him yet the second I said I hated him it was so easy to believe.
Uzi tell me why is it to easy to believe that I hate you? When I love you--I really, really love you.
He slowly backed away, his heavt steps against the cement floor echoing across the garage. Eventually he made it into his car. He drove off.
Just like that, we were over. Uzi was driving down the road. I was a crackling fire of an emotional mess.
I went back upstairs, forgetting why I even went downstairs in the first place. On the couch, I fell. I buried my face in the pillows, every part of my body aching with remorse. I cried tears made of liquidated remorse until I didn't have any more tears left within me.
Why did I even let myself fall in love with him? Love is toxic.
For the following days, I was in a daze. Life had became a blur. My body went numb. I was hardly alive. What was the point?
Wake up.
The tears slip down your cheeks. Your body sobs on it's own. But you, me, Jasmine, don't feel the pain. Your heart may be broken. You can't feel it.
Go to sleep.
I kept my phone off. Uzi wouldn't stop calling. I could have blocked him. I just wasn't strong enough to. I could have answered. I wasn't strong enough to do that either.
It had been two days. Two days where life meant nothing. I wondered if I was even breathing. Or if my heart was still beating. I might as well have been a ghost.
Finally, after gaining some strength and locking the whole world out, I held my phone in my hands, the air hardly coming into my nostrils.
As the phone's bright light burned my eyes, the phone began to ring off.
It wasn't Uzi. It was labeled: Unknown.
"Hello?" I croaked.
After a slight pause that spun my head in circles, the voice spoke, "This is from the hospital. Ma'am you were the 1st contact on his phone. I'm so sorry but, he overdosed. On Xanax."
"What?"
I didn't give the lady time to answer.
I dropped my phone on the floor to break. My legs, they sprinted out the door. I didn't even bother to change out of my droopy clothes.
It can't be real.
He can't be gone.
He was just there. Uzi was just there. He was alive a few days ago. He was breathing. Talking. Walking.
He's not dead. Please don't be dead. I'll kill you if you're dead.
I ran so fast, my heart pounded so loud, I forgot how I even arrived at the hospital.
"UZI? UZI! UZI? UZI UZI?!" I bellowed at the top of my lungs.
Doctors. Nurses. Hurried to my side. They wrapped their arms to hold me back. It was like a movie scene. I couldn't see. The water leaking from my eyes blurred everything. I could hardly hear anything over my desperate screaming.
It was so much pain. Bullets and knives could not compare to the pain I was going through. And the confusion--how could that be? When he was on front of me two days before. People didn't die in two days, could they?
"------he's dead-----sorry." Was all I could hear.
No.
No.
No.
I had waited for it all to be a nightmare. I had waited to sit up in my bed. I had waited to see his face appear in the mounds of people that surrounded me. Uzi was not there.
The last thing I told him was I hate him. He thought I hated him.
All I could think of the last words I told him and how it was a my fault.
It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.
