Owen

Life As I Knew it

"He has an incomplete spinal cord injury. The vertebra compromised are c5 and c6."

"But he will walk again? I mean the kids got a scholarship for soccer. Is that even something that's in the picture anymore?"

"It's hard to say, every incomplete is different. Luckily we were able to stabilize his injury quickly and minimize the inflammation as I've said. Surgery went well and we'll get him started on some physical therapy but really we aren't going to have any definitive answers. Just time."

"Yeah okay. Thanks."

I kept my eyes closed, the methodical hum of the machine beside my bed annoying me to no end. I would have gotten up and broke whatever the fuck was humming but that was no longer an option for me. I heard the door click shut, my dad letting out a frustrated breath.

"Hey, yeah. No he's sleeping. I just talked with the doctor. Yeah. Uh huh. They haven't said much more than that really, they just keep repeating everything they've already said." He was on the phone with Jase, if they both weren't here, they were on the phone with each other more often than they weren't. "Let me know what you think. I'll see ya in a little bit."

I couldn't stand it anymore. I had been talked about more in the past few days than I'd been talked to. I opened my eyes, watching my dad pace the tile floor of the hospital. He glanced up, his eyes widening a fraction.

"You're up." He stated. "Did I wake you?"

He had a pair of jeans and a T-shirt on. I wasn't sure the last time I remembered seeing him in jeans. If he wasn't working, he was sleeping.

"No."

"How are you feeling?"

I was thirsty. But mostly I was just fucking pissed. I started to reach for the Styrofoam cup of water on the table beside me, my left side just a little less useless than my right.

"Hey, buddy. Let me get it." My dad said, lunging for the drink in an effort to stop me.

I felt degraded, sitting there, majority of my body now too fucked up to do anything, my dad holding the straw steady so I could drink. Everything was gone. Just like that.

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My phone was vibrating like crazy. Jaelyn had stopped by earlier but I made Jase stop her from coming in. Part of me was still hoping this was all a bad dream. That I'd wake up and feel normal again, everything would work. I didn't want her to see me, stuck there, laying helplessly in the hospital bed.

"Can I get you anything?" My dad asked.

Nothing he could give me.

"I'm gonna take a nap."

"Yeah, buddy. No problem. I'll be here."

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"Need anything?" Jase asked from the chair he was sat in beside the bed. "Dad ran home to shower."

"I'm fine." I mumbled.

I could feel him watching me, I focused my eyes on the white ceiling tiles above me, the neck brace not allowing me to do much else.

"Brandy's going to stop by in a little bit. Want her to bring anything?"

"No."

Jase sighed, shifting in his chair. "It's going to be alright, ya know? I've been researching and some people make really great recoveries."

Some. As in not all, not a lot, not half. Some.

When I first woke up, I was relieved. Scared shitless but relieved that I was alive. But now that the gravity of what I had done to myself had time to sink in a little, I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't stop my brain from going there. From thinking about all the things I was losing. And to think my life had only really just began.

"Drew and Alec have been blowing up your phone." He told me. "Want me to tell them to come?"

"No."

I felt my eyes cloud up with tears, it happened more than I wanted to admit. I blinked a couple times, refusing to let them fall.

"It might be good, ya know, for you to see some friends." Jase pushed.

"No." I said again.

"You're gonna have to at some point..."

"Jase. Stop."

I knew he was just trying to help. To do something. But I didn't want his help.

"I'll just tell them you're not up for visitors still." He mumbled.

We sat in silence, except for the hum of the machines and Jase's fingers typing across his phone screen. I just studied the pattern of the ceiling tiles too afraid to let my mind wander. To let myself dream. To think about my life. And all it could have been.

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The door clicked open, an overly friendly voice that only accompanied hospital staff invaded the room.

"Hey there honey, how are we doing?" It was directed at me, but I didn't answer. I heard Jase stand from the chair. "Hi, I'm Dr. Sims."

"Jase, Owen's brother."

"How's our boy doing?" She asked again.

"Good." Jase answered for me. "His left arm seems to be moving a bit, that's a good sign right?"

"That's good to hear." She dismissed Jase politely, not giving him an answer but also not ignoring him.

Her face appeared in front of mine, brown eyes smiling down at me. "So how are you?"

She had a warm smile on her face, the corners of her eyes wrinkled with age lines.

"I'm fine." I told her.

I felt her hand on my shoulder, as she leaned out of my sight line.

"Jase, could you do Owen a big favor and go ask the nurse for some more water." She said.

"Oh yeah, sure."

His shoes squeaked against the tile floor, the door clicking shut a moment later.

"You're not fine." Dr. Sims reappeared in front of my face. "You can tell everyone else that you are but not me, got it?" She patted my shoulder. "So how are you?"

The tears I'd been trying to fight off swelled up again, distorting Dr. Sims' smiling face. I swallowed hard, forcing them in.

"I'm fine." I muttered, my voice giving away the fact that I was not fine. Not at all.

She smiled softly, not pushing the matter any farther. "Stubborn I see. That'll come in handy if you direct it the right way. I'm just going to check a few things then and you let me know if you need anything."

There's was a lump of tears and anger settled in my throat, threatening to spew if I opened my mouth. So I ground my teeth together, the muscles in my jaw aching. I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling above letting everyone go on with life around me.

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