Owen

Trust Me

I sat in my wheelchair, my head level with the parallel bars, Sarah in front of me. My heart was beating out of my chest. I'd already been here for way too long. I knew that. It'd happened every time so far.

"Okay we've practiced standing a thousand times Owen. We're just going to start there." Sarah told me, her voice cutting through my thoughts. It was the exact same thing she'd told me the other times we'd tried. "I'm going to keep you steady, you're going to hold onto the bars."

I knew what to do. I'd watched enough patients to know. We'd been working toward this moment for forever, at least it seemed. She'd been telling me for while now that I could. But I didn't believe her. And it didn't make me feel anymore prepared. I had limited feeling in my left foot, a whole lot of nothing in my right and it was all just a crap shoot farther up.

"You've got this." Sarah reassured. I glanced up at her, she was smiling like normal. "Alright, count of three."

I'd done it a thousand times. I was actually pretty decent at standing, all things considered. I took a deep breath, knowing Sarah would push until I ignored my doubts and tried. She'd figured that out about me far too fast for my liking.

I leaned forward, my arms outstretched toward the parallel bars. It took way more thought and effort than it should have, like normal. My nerves not connecting the way they should.

"You've got it." Sarah encouraged.

My fingers closed around the bars, the wood smooth against my skin. I used my arms to pull myself the rest of the way, it was still hard but it was getting easier.

"Like a pro." She steadied me, helping me align my body, stacking my hips and shoulders over my feet.

I felt anxiety rush through me, doubts spreading through my crippled body. I didn't like the feeling of not knowing where my legs were. I didn't want to trust something I could only partially feel.

Was walking again even that important? I mean, yeah it'd be nice. But come on, it wasn't like I could really walk with what limited control and feeling I had. The whole thing had me a mess. I didn't trust myself.

"Mina." I blurted, afraid to look for her in fear I might knock myself off balance.

I felt a hand on my back, a breath of relief falling out of me. Mina had become my beacon of light when my doubts started to darken the world around me. She always managed to get me where I needed to be.

"I'm right here."

"Alright dad, got the camera ready?" Sarah called to my dad who was standing to the side, phone ready.

"Don't film it." I muttered, not loud enough for him to hear though.

Mina sighed at my comment, I bet she was rolling her eyes at me. The thought had a smile creeping on my face.

Sarah's smile was gone though as she turned her attention back to me. "You're not allowed to say you can't today Owen."

I opened my mouth to explain why I didn't think I could when she told me to "knock it off".

"But I just.." I started as she shook her head.

"You need to try Owen." Mina said from beside me, leaning slightly forward so I could see her.

I was too afraid to move much.

"Sit back down." Mina said, sharing a look with Sarah who nodded in agreement.

I didn't hesitate to listen, I'd gladly sit the fuck back down. At least I couldn't fall if I was sitting. God my chest hurt, stupid anxiety. I dropped my head to my lap, chipped fingernail polish appearing in my line of sight.